How to Talk to Your Aging Parents About Finances

“When you start asking people to talk about their financial accounts, you have to work your way into it. The oldest generations tend to be very, very private about finances,” Ash says. “Baby boomers are more open, generally speaking.”

Acknowledge that your parents’ generational and cultural viewpoints on discussing money could be different from yours. Being aware of their perspective is a good first step.

Consider easing into the process. This doesn’t need to be one long conversation; you can break up the discussion into smaller chats over time. Make the effort to understand where your parents are coming from to have the most effective conversation.

Eventually, you’ll want to have discussions that include your loved ones’ financial accounts, documents, goals and end-of-life wishes. Long-term care can be expensive, so you’ll want the full picture of their finances to plan effectively. It will help them make decisions, give you peace of mind, and will also help protect your loved ones’ assets. But it’s a process you’ll want to work your way through.

If you have siblings, consider whether one of you might be better suited to talk to your parents about their finances. Sometimes, parents are more comfortable speaking to the eldest child or to a child that they may perceive to be better at financial management.

Family dynamics can be more complicated around stressful times of year. Pick a date that’s lower-stress and that gives you time to have an unhurried conversation. Give your parents the time they need to come to terms with the conversation.

Read more:Siblings Fighting Over Elderly Parents’ Care: 10 Common Problems and Solutions

Make your intentions clear. Let your parents know you want to talk about finances because you want to plan for the future or you’re worried about their health.

Some elderly parents may have thought about their future and finances a lot. Others may be in denial that they need to consider their future and finances at all. You won’t know unless you begin discussing what’s important to your parents, along with the financial assets available to help them.

“You can say, ‘My hope is we won’t need to use this information for a long time, but if you need help as you age, we want to be able to respect your wishes,’” Ash, a chartered advisor in senior living, says.

Let our care assessment guide you

“Most people are far more interested to speak about what’s important to them and how they’re going to be cared for first,” Ash says.

Ask about their experiences with caring for their own aging parents. Do they envision a similar situation? How do they see themselves aging? Encourage them to share what an ideal aging process would be. Then ask if they have any concerns about achieving that vision.

This is the time to discuss your aging parents’ health and family health history. If they eventually need help managing activities of daily living (ADLs) or their health needs, what form would that help ideally take? Have they had experiences with senior living communities? What are their impressions?

Once you know your parents’ long-term wishes, research elder care costs. According to federal data, seniors turning 65 have a roughly 70% chance of needing long-term care.^[01] Depending on care needs and location, those costs can vary wildly.

If they want to remain in their homes, look at home care costs together. If they will need help with activities of daily living like bathing or dressing, assisted living is an option. Check out assisted living costs in their state. Are they experiencing some memory loss or concerned about a future dementia diagnosis? If so, you’ll want to look at memory care costs with your parents.

Read more:Paying for Long-Term Care

Now that you know the type of and cost of care your parents want as they age, it’s time to look into what financial resources they have.

“If you’ve started by talking about what’s important, it may be relatively easy to transition into asking your parents about their finances,” Ash notes.

You may want to ask these questions:

• Do you have a financial advisor? Many financial advisors ask their clients to fill out a form that authorizes them to share information, which may also include the circumstances where they want financial information shared and with whom.
• Do you have retirement or investment accounts? Do you have a pension?
• Do you have life or long-term care insurance?
• Where are your important legal documents? An elder law attorney can help put together crucial documents.
• Do you have a will or a trust?
• Do you have a power of attorney?

Talk with a Senior Living Advisor

Investigating ways to offset elder care costs and low-income assisted living options before they’re needed could offer peace of mind to aging parents and their families. For instance, if your parent is a veteran, learn about VA benefits for long-term care. If they own their home, renting it or taking out a reverse mortgage may provide needed funds. Sometimes, life insurance can be used to free up cash for long-term care.

Some people’s goal is to spend their last dollar on their deathbed, Ash says. If they have unforeseen long-term care expenses, they may need go on Medicaid or move in with their children. Most want to provide for long-term care costs if they can, and they don’t want to be a burden on family.

If that’s your parents’ expectation, however, finding out now can help you prepare.

“Of 300 client families, I’ve only had one say they want to go with ‘the Medicaid plan’ or move in with their kids,” Ash notes.

Read more:8 Questions to Consider Before Moving a Senior Parent Into Your Home

Not making financial plans for long-term care needs is the most common mistake people make, Ash explains.

“Everyone needs to have a strategy,” she says. “We’re all aging. Many, many people need help. Not everyone needs a solution that is top-of-the-line, but it’s far better to have a partial solution than no solution.”