When you recall past holiday gatherings, maybe you can still see Mom baking cookies and stirring pots in the kitchen, or kids bounding out of bed and running into the living room at dawn on Christmas morning. Perhaps you cherish memories of decorating the Christmas tree or lighting the menorah as a family.
Whatever your family’s tradition, it probably included food, gifts and relatives from near and far. However, now that your parent or other senior loved one lives in an assisted living community in another city, celebrating the holidays as a family isn’t as easy as it once was.
If you plan to travel to visit your loved one but aren’t sure how to make the holidays special, consider these factors, along with a few different options for holiday celebrations:
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For a loved one in assisted or senior living, the holiday season can be depressing, says Amanda Lambert, owner of Lambert Care Management and co-author of “Aging with Care: Your Guide to Hiring and Managing Caregivers at Home.”
“Think about how a mom may have always been the person to plan activities for the family around this time and can no longer do so,” says Lambert. “Holidays can be one more reminder of loss of independence.”
Ask your loved one what he or she would like to do for the holidays and give that person the opportunity to be involved in decision making, says Lambert. Don’t simply assume that your loved one wants you to magically transform this holiday season into a replica of past holiday gatherings.
“Accepting that things will never be the way they were can put less stress on everyone in the family to try and replicate something that may be impossible,” says Lambert. “Be flexible. Consider starting a new and different tradition.”
Even if your loved one can’t get out and about, you can still create a holiday setting for someone who lives in assisted living or another type of senior living community.
When deciding how to celebrate, here are a few options and important factors to consider:
If it’s an option, invite family members to celebrate at the home of a relative in the same city as your loved one’s assisted living or skilled nursing community. If that’s not possible, rent an Airbnb apartment or house so you can decorate it and prepare a holiday meal, celebrating in a home-like setting. Ask your loved one if he or she would like to invite a friend or two from the assisted living community as well.
You can even hire a service such as Bells & Whistles, an event and holiday decoration rental company, to deliver and set up a tree and decorations. Perform an online search for holiday decorating services located in the city you plan to visit.
Before moving your loved one to a different location to celebrate, Lambert also recommends considering these factors:
If you determine that your loved one would become agitated or disoriented by moving to a new location for a day or two, or isn’t physically capable of going out, you can celebrate at the assisted living or other type of senior community.
Here are a few suggestions:
“Be prepared to also embrace those people in some small way to make them part of your family,” says Joy Loverde, author of “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” “Make everyone there your friend.” If you need more room, ask staff in advance about using the community clubhouse or another on-site meeting space.
Whatever you decide, base your decisions on what’s best for your loved one and most suited to his or her physical or cognitive limitations.
You’ll never be able to recreate those family holidays you enjoyed for decades. However, don’t let that stop you from being there to celebrate with someone you love. The more time you can spend with your loved one, the better.
Families are busy during the holidays, and it can be tempting to shorten time spent with a loved one, says Lambert. “If anything, spend more time,” she says. “Think about how lonely it can be for someone left at a community during the holidays.”
How have you brought home to the holidays in assisted living? In what other ways have you celebrated the holidays with senior loved ones? We’d like to hear your stories in the comments below.
Deb Hipp is a freelance writer in Kansas City, Missouri, who specializes in caregiving, aging and senior living.