Like many adult children, you may find yourself in the difficult position of offering support to an aging parent who lives in a different city, state, or country. Living hours or even days away makes caregiving even more of a challenge, to be sure, but it’s still possible to be effective. A successful long-distance caregiver can and should communicate with their parent regularly and consistently, coordinate the necessary care, and help organize medical and financial affairs. It’s also crucial for long-distance caregivers to keep an eye out for warning signs that they may need to visit more often, or perhaps begin thinking about senior living options.
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A long-distance caregiver is someone who offers support to a loved one living an hour or more away.[01] Long-distance caregivers usually aren’t their loved one’s primary caregivers, but they do provide necessary support — even from afar. Usually they’re an adult child who helps coordinate their aging parent’s care and well-being from a different city or state. While they may not provide daily hands-on support, long distance caregivers play a vital role in keeping their loved ones safe, healthy, and happy.
Long-distance caregivers are typically responsible for these tasks:
Vicky Demirozu, the founder of Giving Care with Grace, simplifies the role of a long-distance caregiver into three tips: Consistently communicate with aging loved ones, coordinate a loved one’s care, and help organize an aging parent’s medical and financial affairs.
There are many good reasons to communicate consistently and regularly with an aging parent. Senior loneliness is a risk factor for mortality, and a weekly call can be a huge boon to your loved one’s mental health.[02] Regular communication is also the best way to understand your loved one’s other needs.
Here are some tips for communicating with an aging parent long distance:
Consider asking your aging parent these questions at least every three days:
Coordinating a loved one’s care means hiring and managing in-home caregivers, housekeepers, and other support people. While your loved one may not have personal caregivers in their home, they likely have other people in their lives, such as local friends and neighbors, who are willing and able to help.
Demirozu suggests taking these steps when coordinating your loved one’s care:
Coordinating care long-distance can be an organizational challenge, so consider using a family caregiver app.
Our free tool provides options, advice, and next steps based on your unique situation.
It’s vital to make sure your parent’s affairs are in order before an emergency situation occurs. You should do the following as soon as possible with an aging parent — and thankfully, you can do most of these over the phone, although some, may merit an in-person visit.
Long-distance adult children should look for signs that their aging parent needs more help or attention by regularly assessing their parent’s physical appearance, cognition, and daily routines.
“Some seniors generationally were raised in a time when they don’t complain as much,” Demirozu explains. “ Sometimes things happen very rapidly, and they can have very serious situations going on, but [your aging parents] aren’t either willing or able to communicate it until it becomes a crisis.” This is especially true when seniors and adult children talk primarily over the phone, according to Demirozu.
Look for these signs to help you determine if your loved one needs you to visit more often, or if it’s time to consider assisted living or memory care.
Long-distance caregivers should look for signs of injury, declining health, and poor hygiene when video-calling or visiting their loved one. Any of these signs could mean that your loved one is unable to physically care for themselves and needs more help.
Cognitive changes in a loved one may point to memory loss, but these may also indicate depression, a urinary tract infection, or a medication change. Take note of all these changes in cognitive ability:
Be sure to rule out other possibilities before assuming that your parent is experiencing memory loss.
Read more:10 Early Signs of Dementia
Even over the phone, you should look for changes in your loved one’s routine. Many of these changes could mean a decline in health, memory, or emotional well-being:
In general, don’t wait more than 24 hours to have a local friend or an emergency service check in on your aging parent if they haven’t responded to your calls.
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“Peace of mind is hugely important for long-distance caregivers specifically,” Demirozu says.
If you begin to sense that your loved one needs more attention or help than you can give from afar, consider taking the following steps:
For help finding senior care options that fit your loved one’s needs and budget, consider calling one of A Place for Mom’s Senior Living Advisors. They can help you find local solutions, and this service comes at no cost to you or your family.
National Institute on Aging. Long-distance caregiving.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Loneliness and social isolation linked to serious health conditions.
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