Partnering With Your Loved One’s In-Home Caregiver: 8 Steps to a Strong Relationship

Before hiring an in-home caregiver, write a list of expectations and caregiver responsibilities. Discuss your requirements with your prospective caregivers and also ask them to share theirs. By establishing expectations ahead of time, you’ll avoid surprises. If you’ve already hired a caregiver, it’s never too late to have this conversation for an ongoing, smooth relationship.

In a case where your aging relative’s health declines and they need more help than previously expected, discuss changes to your expectations openly. Trust the caregiver’s expertise in situations that are new to you, and make sure your family can fulfill their expectations as well.

Demirozu suggests that we lean into the current caregiver’s abilities or training and stay positive in a new situation. “Explore and tap into the caregiver’s training and expertise in situations that are new. Make sure that you share this knowledge, and your family can fulfill expectations as well,” she advises.

Every new situation includes a learning curve. Professional caregivers are prepared for these kinds of situations through a variety of training techniques. Trust the process in some difficult instances and hope for the best outcome. But always listen to your loved one’s feedback to ensure their ongoing comfort and safety.

Sharing stories about your aging loved one’s life is a great way to make home care more personalized, suggests Demirozu. Older adults may be open to talking about themselves, or they may feel reluctant to share stories with a stranger. In the latter case, it might be helpful for you to share your loved one’s significant experiences with the home care aide.

Discussing a relative’s past with their caregiver is especially important if the senior is experiencing cognitive decline. By understanding a person’s history, preferences, and emotional needs, in-home caregivers can provide the type of support that best fits each senior’s personality, abilities, and care needs.

To start sharing stories with your loved one’s caregiver and encourage person-centered care, you can:

• Write down your favorite memories of your relative.
• List their accomplishments and strengths.
• Make a list of events they talk about often — do they bring up the time they starred in a theater production? Do they regularly mention their history in the military?
• Think about traditions your relative enjoys and ways they can be incorporated into caregiver routines.

Your in-home caregiver will spend a lot of time with your elderly relative, and they’ll likely be tasked with household chores and responsibilities. It takes time for care aides and elderly clients to get to know each other. But passing along your knowledge as a family member can help with the transition.

If a caregiver is aware of a senior’s housekeeping and personal care preferences in advance, the services will go more smoothly, advises Demirozu. Some things you can share with a new caregiver include:

• Personal habits. Does your loved one like to eat at the dining room table or in front of the TV? Does your mom dress up and wear makeup each day?
• Housekeeping tips. When a senior has maintained their home for decades, it can be hard to let someone new take over. Small differences in the organization of the house may feel like a big deal. If your mom always folded towels a certain way or washed her china by hand, those are good preferences to note and give as tips to your loved one’s aide.
• Food choices. In-home caregivers often help with meal preparation and should be familiar with a senior’s nutritional needs. Let the care aide know your parent’s likes, dislikes, and habits, in addition to any specific dietary needs. If a caregiver knows your dad’s eaten sunny-side-up eggs for breakfast for years, they’ll be less likely to serve him scrambled.
• Activities. Is your relative more likely to spend time watching sports or reading novels? Do they prefer going on walks or gardening? Engaging in hobbies a senior enjoys encourages caregiver bonding and greater satisfaction for your loved one.

Seniors may become isolated while aging in place. According to Demirozu, an in-home caregiver can act as a companion and provide camaraderie to prevent loneliness. Through their relationship with your loved one, a caregiver is likely to learn a lot about your family. But getting to know each other is a two-way street.

Take the time to learn about your parent’s caregiver and connect with them on a personal level. If you spend time in the home with them, this can happen naturally. If you live further away, it’s still possible to build that rapport by communicating via phone or video chat.

Everyone enjoys feeling appreciated and seen.

Demirozu suggests, “Trust can be built with your family’s caregiver in simple ways, such as having conversations about their favorite hobbies or foods, wishing them happy holidays, or having a chat about a TV show or movie you both enjoy.”

Building strong relationships with your family’s caregivers will reduce caregiver turnover and enhance the attention they provide to your loved one.

Is home care the right fit?

Communication is the cornerstone of a good caregiver-client relationship. It prevents incorrect assumptions and helps to ensure your loved one is receiving the best possible care.

Communicate about the good things. If the caregiver is doing a good job, let them know. Whether it’s noticing your aging relative is livelier after their part-time aide has visited, or seeing that your parent who needs full-time care is well-groomed and nourished, it’s important to note accomplishments.

Talk about learning opportunities. If something’s going wrong, don’t wait to bring it up. Maybe your parent thinks their caregiver makes food too spicy or notices that they’ve been taking too many personal phone calls at work. Communicate the problem early, so it doesn’t become a big issue later on.

Learn from the caregiver. Over time, your loved one’s caregiver may become an important part of their life. In particular, if you live far away or don’t have a close relationship with your relative, a caregiver can become your loved one’s primary support. One way to show you value a caregiver is to ask for their advice and listen to their contributions. Some questions you can ask them include:

• What can I do to help you out the most?
• Have you noticed any changes? Has Mom developed any new interests or tastes?
• What’s the best advice you can give me to help support my mom?

In-home care can be deeply personal. Activities of daily living, like bathing, dressing, and hygiene may be uncomfortable or scary without a level of trust between a senior and their caregiver. It’s important for you to help build trust with your loved one’s home care aide.

Some ways to develop trust with a caregiver include:

• Ask for referrals from former clients before hiring a caregiver.
• Set clear expectations for communication in the caregiver-client relationship.
• Get to know each other and learn more about the caregiver.
• Talk through tough situations before they occur. For example, if your aging relative has dementia, they may become paranoid and believe things are lost or stolen. If your relative has accused you or others of stealing in the past, let the caregiver know.
• Make it clear that the caregiver can reach out to you to talk through any situation that may arise.

Sometimes, older relatives can make finding a long-term caregiver difficult.

“As individuals age, their behavior might become more difficult over time, making finding a long-term caregiver challenging,” reminds Demirozu.

If your loved one has rude or abrasive tendencies toward you and your family, it’s likely they’ll treat a caregiver the same way. This is a common issue for seniors experiencing cognitive decline or dementia behaviors.

If former caregivers have quit because of your relative’s behavior, let home care agencies know upfront so that they can recommend someone who’s comfortable and experienced working with challenging clients.

Home care questions? Get expert help

Home care aides are familiar with elder care techniques and know how to handle situations that may be new to you. But you know your aging loved one best. Maybe your loved one has lost interest in eating and is having trouble getting proper nutrition. A home care aide may have tips and tricks to encourage appetite, while you can input on your loved one’s favorite foods, which set of dishes they prefer, or the time of day they like to eat. All of this together can make for a great approach to caring for your loved one safely and efficiently in their home.

If you’re ready to partner with an in-home caregiver to help your loved one age in place at home safely, reach out to our free Senior Living Advisors. These advisors can look at your budget and care needs and provide you with matching home care agencies in your area, all at no cost to you or your family.