Hired caregivers – also known as private caregivers – become part of your and your parent’s life in many ways. They spend a lot of time in the home, helping with activities of daily living and other duties that people are used to performing alone. Forming a strong partnership with your loved one’s caregiver can help improve the care they receive — from both of you — while providing you with peace of mind. For the sake of both the hired caregiver and your senior loved one, taking the proper steps to keep the relationship healthy and positive is paramount. Learn more about establishing trust, setting expectations, and communicating with your family’s in-home care aide.
Before hiring a caregiver, write a list of expectations and caregiver responsibilities. When interviewing potential aides, discuss your requirements and ask them to share theirs. By establishing expectations ahead of time, you’ll avoid surprises down the road. If you’ve already hired a caregiver, it’s never too late to have this conversation for an ongoing, smooth relationship.
If your aging relative’s health declines and they need more help, discuss changes to your expectations openly. Trust the caregiver’s expertise on situations that are new to you and make sure your family can fulfill their expectations as well.
Before they show up for their first shift, you want your hired caregiver to have a clear understanding of exactly what your parent will need. Don’t assume a private caregiver will automatically know to make lunch for your parent or do laundry – if you see those as part of the job, you need to say that and write it all down.
Sharing stories about your aging loved one’s life can make in-home care more personal. Older adults may be open to talking about themselves, or they may feel reluctant to share stories with a stranger.
Discussing a relative’s past with their caregiver is especially important if they’re experiencing cognitive decline. By understanding a person’s history, preferences, and emotional needs, in-home caregivers can provide the type of support that best fits each senior’s personality, abilities, and care needs.
To start sharing stories with your loved one’s caregiver and encourage person-centered care, you can:
Your in-home caregiver will spend a lot of time with your elderly relative, and they’ll likely be tasked with household chores and responsibilities. It takes time for care aides and elderly clients to get to know each other, but passing along your knowledge as a family member can help with the transition.
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If a caregiver is aware of a senior’s housekeeping and personal care preferences in advance, the job will go more smoothly. Some things you can share with a new caregiver include:
Seniors may become isolated aging in place, and an in-home caregiver can act as a companion and confidante to prevent loneliness. Through their relationship with your loved one, a caregiver is likely to learn a lot about your family. But getting to know each other is a two-way street.
Take the time to learn about your parent’s caregiver and connect with them on a personal level. If you spend time in the home with them, this can happen naturally. If you live further away and communicate mostly via phone or video chat, it may be more difficult to develop that rapport.
Everyone enjoys feeling appreciated and seen. Remembering to ask about a caregiver’s child, wish them happy holidays, or chat about a TV show you both enjoy can show you care about them. Building strong relationships with your family’s caregivers will reduce caregiver turnover and enhance the attention they provide to your loved one. At the end of the day, the caregiver is still being paid to be there, which makes the relationship both an intimate and professional one.
Communication is the cornerstone of a good caregiver-client relationship. It prevents incorrect assumptions and helps to ensure your loved one is receiving the best possible care. Pick a time to check in each week and put it on the calendar so you consistently do it.
Communicate about the good things. If the caregiver is doing a good job, let them know. Whether it’s noticing your aging relative is livelier after their part-time aide has visited, or seeing that your parent who needs full-time care is well-groomed and nourished, it’s important to note accomplishments.
Talk about the bad things, too. If something’s going wrong, don’t wait to bring it up. Maybe your parent thinks their caregiver makes food too spicy, or notices that they’ve been taking personal phone calls at work. Communicate the problem early, so it doesn’t become a big issue later on.
You may find that someone you hire isn’t a good fit and needs to be let go, but you don’t want to make a decision like that impulsively. Try to calmly and thoughtfully work through the problem first.
Learn from the caregiver. Over time, your loved one’s caregiver may become an important part of their life. In particular, if you live far away or don’t have a close relationship with your relative, a caregiver can become their primary support. One way to show you value a caregiver is to ask for their advice and listen to their contributions. Some questions you can ask include:
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In-home care can be deeply personal: activities of daily living, like bathing, dressing, and hygiene may be uncomfortable or scary without a level of trust between a senior and their caregiver. It’s important for you to build trust with your loved one’s home care aide, as well.
Some ways to develop trust include:
Sometimes, stubborn older relatives can make finding a long-term caregiver difficult. If your parent has rude or abrasive tendencies toward you and your family, it’s likely they’ll treat an aide the same way. This is a common issue for seniors experiencing dementia or cognitive decline.
If former caregivers have quit because of your relative’s behavior, let home care agencies know upfront, so that they can recommend someone who’s comfortable and experienced working with challenging clients. Some seniors go through 10+ care aides before finding someone willing to work with them long-term.
Home care aides are familiar with elder care and know how to handle situations that may be new to you. But you know your aging loved one best. Maybe your mom has lost interest in eating and is having trouble getting proper nutrition — a home care aide may have tips and tricks to encourage appetite, while you’re the expert on your mom’s favorite foods, which set of dishes she prefers, and the time of day she likes to eat.
If you’re ready to partner with an in-home caregiver to help your loved one age in place safely, reach out to our free Senior Living Advisors to learn more about home care agencies in your area.
The information contained on this page is for informational purposes only and is not intended to constitute medical, legal or financial advice or create a professional relationship between A Place for Mom and the reader. Always seek the advice of your health care provider, attorney or financial advisor with respect to any particular matter, and do not act or refrain from acting on the basis of anything you have read on this site. Links to third-party websites are only for the convenience of the reader; A Place for Mom does not endorse the contents of the third-party sites.
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