What to do When a Loved One Refuses In-Home Care

Speaking with a loved one about home care before they need it isn’t a luxury every family has. Many times, families only learn about senior care options when their loved one needs help.

Without pressuring them, insert questions about in-home care into conversations about financial, medical, and will planning.

“Ideally, begin planting the seed before there is a dire need. Let your older adult adjust to the idea that they will eventually need to accept a stranger in their home if they are to stay,” says caregiving expert Carol-Bradley Bursack. A Certified Dementia Support Group Facilitator and author of Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories, Bursack writes the weekly newspaper column Minding Our Elders.

Ask your parent what type of care they would want, should they need it, and explore the different options together. Learning what different care types have to offer may help to ease the planning process during a moment of crisis.

Read more:In-Home Care Options for Elderly Parents

There are many reasons why a loved one may be hesitant to receive care in their home. Listening helps family caregivers gain a better understanding of their loved one’s concerns. It also creates open communication by showing your loved one that you respect their autonomy to make decisions for themselves.

Amanda Lundberg, a registered nurse and family medicine expert with more than 10 years of experience guiding families, provides reasons below that a senior may have hesitations about in-home care, along with some solutions.

Privacy and independence concerns

“Many elderly people worry about strangers in their home or fear losing control over their daily routines,” Lundberg says.

Home care costs

“Discuss the costs openly and explore financial assistance or insurance coverage options together,” Lundberg notes.

Denial of aging or the need for help

“Be patient and provide gentle reminders of the benefits, without making them feel helpless,” Lundberg suggests.

Fear of less family connection

“Reassure them that home care is a support, not a replacement for family time,” Lundberg explains.

Be aware of the stigma surrounding elderly care and seek out positive examples of in-home care. “If someone they know has had in-home care, ask them to talk with your loved one,” Bursack advises. You may also consider asking your own friend’s parents to share their experience of how home care helped them to dispel myths and concerns.

Read more:How Much Does In-Home Care Cost in 2024? A State-by-State Guide

Is home care the right fit?

Communicate with other family members about the challenges you’ve noticed your parent experiencing. Present home care as an option that can support both your parent and other family caregivers. Provide details on what you’re observing, your concerns, and possible solutions.

Understand that for some family members, the realization that a parent or loved one is struggling may evoke strong emotions. Helping a loved one who’s reluctant to receive home care will be even more difficult if family can’t agree on a plan of action.

When approaching your loved one however, be strategic. To avoid overwhelming your loved one, it’s best to have only a few family members discuss home care with them.

Highlighting the benefits of in-home care can help a senior recognize how it can provide an improved quality of life for them. Benefits of home care include:

• Increased independence
• Flexibility
• Personalized care
• Cost effective
• Companionship

Take the time to review home care agency websites or brochures with your loved one.

“Empower them to weigh the pros and cons of home care based on their current living conditions,” says Jordan McCoy, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of McCoy Counseling and Training.

Home care questions? Get expert help

Many families struggle to confront a parent with the issues they’re observing, especially when they know a parent is apprehensive about receiving help. This can often create delays to a loved one getting the help they need. Instead, be direct and honest about what you’ve observed and what you feel is the best solution, suggests Beth Wilkison, Learning and Development Manager at A Place for Mom.

Assuming an authoritative role with a parent can be challenging for some adult children. It’s important to lead with respect for an aging parent — while also understanding that acting in their best interest might mean finding them care.

If a loved one continues to resist and their situation isn’t an emergency, it may be best to take a step back. This may help to reduce your frustrations and consider a different approach. It also allows your parent time to process your concerns and evaluate their circumstances.

Continue to be present and supportive for your loved one. To signal that this is an important topic worth revisiting, McCoy says to set up a day and time to check back in with them about home care.

Even after your loved one agrees to receive help, they may still be apprehensive. If their situation isn’t urgent, introduce in-home care services gradually. This may help your parent to warm up to the idea of having a new person in their home.

Lundberg suggests starting with shorter visits and having the caregiver provide noninvasive services like light housekeeping or meal preparation, while a family caregiver handles support with activities of daily living like bathing and grooming.

Consider being present during the first few visits. This can help put your loved one at ease and begin normalizing the care routine. It also allows you to spend more quality time with your loved one and less time providing hands-on care.

Working with a senior loved one who’s hesitant to receive help can be challenging. However, exploring the different home care options can be another way to answer questions and gain a better understanding of how an in-home caregiver can help.

A Place for Mom’s Senior Living Advisors can provide your family with information about home care, including the types of care offered and related costs. They can also help you connect with our partner home care agencies in your area ­— all at no cost to your family.