One of the most common questions families ask A Place for Mom is “how do we know when it’s time to move from assisted living to a nursing home?” We received the following question from Margaret:
My 88-year-old mother has been in an assisted living community near me for the past two years. She has been declining slightly, almost imperceptibly, over the years. Recently she had a fall in her room and couldn’t get up or reach the call cord. When a staff person noticed she had missed dinner, mom was found after three hours on the floor, but with no problems other than general weakness.
The administrator called me the next day and said it was time for mom to move to “skilled care,” i.e. a skilled nursing home, for her own safety.
What are my options? My mother loves her apartment and her community, plus, she has many strong friendships there. Her doctor says she may have had some small strokes over the years and has osteoporosis, which is successfully treated with medication. She doesn’t seem forgetful or have any other major complaints; she’s just feeling the years. I want her to be safe, of course, but she actually burst into tears when I suggested that we visit the nursing home and now she refuses to even discuss the issue.
Can the facility actually force her to move? Is she better off being safer receiving nursing home care, or will she have optimum physical and mental health in a community she knows and loves?
Margaret’s concerns are complex and unfortunately common. If you’re in a similar situation, ask the following questions:
Some possible interventions might postpone or preclude a move to nursing home care:
Other factors might also influence this decision to move or to stay. Is nursing home care more expensive? Usually it is. Will it be harder for you and family member to visit your mother if she is in a higher care setting? It might be farther away. In addition, some people find visiting a nursing home depressing or even distasteful. Please note that this is not the norm; many facilities are homey, helpful, and family oriented, especially those with the “culture change model” (see www.pioneernetwork.org).
If your loved one has a progressive condition such as Alzheimer’s, congestive heart failure, or Parkinson’s disease, a move early in the disease process could be easier in the long run. It would give her an opportunity to master her new environment and make new friends while she is still relatively healthy.
As with any important decision, it could be useful to get other professional opinions. Have her physician do a checkup and suggest the best level of care. Also, all US counties have some type of senior information and assistance phone line and you could consider asking for their help locating a geriatric social worker to do an assessment. They may also be able to recommend some types of communities other than a nursing home, such as an adult family home or an assisted living facility that provides more oversight and care.
Lastly, work with your mom to minimize her need for assistance. Sometimes it might be the most troublesome resident who is asked to move-not the most medically needy. Most assisted living facilities will work hard to keep the friendly, easy to please, personable residents in the community.
Update: January 2018