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Husband left me and refused to take his elderly mother.

Husband and I divorced. He refused to take his mother because he feels her SSA isn't enough to pay her share of expenses. She had nowhere to go. She now needs care and I am not physically able to do so. He refuses to take his mother, to the point of changing his phone number and only listing a P.O. Box so we can't find him. She needs to be in a nursing home, but says no!! What do I do now?
Status: Open    Jan 31, 2017 - 02:11 PM

Caregiving, Elder Law

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3 answers


Feb 05, 2017 - 08:20 AM

Contact your county department of aging to get their advice. Also what does your divorce lawyer say about this?
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By usheroes on Feb 19, 2017 - 11:17 AM | Like (0)  |  Report

If you are legally divorced, you can take him back to court and a judge will MAKE him legally responsible for his mother. What you have in your case is called "abandonment", which applies to both of you. He can't say "no" if he has abandoned his responsibility.

He will either have to take her or he will owe you a LOT of money. Many men hide their money by having their own companies, but a judge can force the issue regardless of what he says he makes or not.

Each community has an eldercare program and can give you great advice as to where you can find what you need. Please give s feedback. It irks me to no end when a man abandons his family. God bless you. Tammy O.

By usheroes on Feb 19, 2017 - 11:18 AM | Like (0)  |  Report

When you do your taxes, you can also claim her on your taxes. We did that with my dad, and that opens up a lot of areas for you.

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Feb 06, 2017 - 08:52 AM

Are there any other family members on her son side you can get in touch with ?
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By pbooher on Feb 20, 2017 - 07:27 AM | Like (0)  |  Report

So sad when children abandon their parents. My guess is that she may qualify for Medicaid assistance. And please see if your state has a senior Omsbudsman program - they can offer some guidance. Your mother-in-law is frightened, and the idea of getting stuck in a nursing home is appalling to her. Try a skilled care or assisted living community - she may not realize what these are like. Talk to the business office people there to find out what programs she might qualify for - and a Place for Mom - you can call them and they will help you find something in your community that is in her price range. It is daunting because so many will not tell you what they charge until you come in to see them, and then you find you have really wasted a lot of time as I did when I was searching. A Place For Mom helped me a great deal to narrow down the type of care she needed within the community and within the price range. But once you find the option that fits best, talk with them about how to get her qualified for Medicaid, and also how to help introduce her to living there - remember, they do this all the time. They generally have a social worker that can help. I cannot imagine your husband doing something like this to his mother, much less doing this to you. It sounds to me like you are better off without him. But last words of advice - get your attorney involved but make sure they know elder law!!! or you are wasting your money on them. Best of luck to you.

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Feb 18, 2017 - 04:01 PM

Contact Adult Protective Services. They may not be able to force your ex to take care of his mother, but they can take the burden off of you and see that she gets the help she needs.
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