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Can we force my dad to provide in-home care for my mom?

My mom is in the latter stage of Parkinson's and does not want to leave her home. The doctors have recommended in-home care repeatedly. My parents are financially able to afford it, but my dad refuses simply due to the cost. Can my siblings and I force him to provide and pay for someone to care for her?
Status: Open    Sep 19, 2016 - 10:06 AM


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Oct 05, 2016 - 11:11 AM

I can tell that you are a caring person who is concerned for your parent's well being. Resistance to homecare is very common both due to the cost and the issues of introducing a "stranger" into your household. In my experience, forcing someone to accept homecare does not normally have a good outcome. Howevere, there are some techniques to encourage your dad to accept assistance.

-express your concern that your father and any other family caregivers have a break from caring for your mom to focus on their own health and well being

-ask him to consider that there are tasks best handled by a professional caregiver such as bathing and toileting, to preserve the family roles as much as possible as well as your mom's dignity

-Let your father have control over the choice of homecare provider and intial schedule

-consider a small number of hours as an introduction to the service such as one 4-hour shift per week. Hopefully your father will see the benefit and be willing to increase hours to meet your mom's needs

-Work with a homecare company that is sensitive to his resistance and will allow a minimal schedule to start (some companies have high minimum hour requirements)

-encourage your father to put the care in place now, so that as your mom's needs increase the decisions about care won't need to be made in a crisis mode

I wish the best to you and your family as you work to arrange the best care for your parents. Working with a reputable homecare company can be a wonderful addition to your mom's life.


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