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POA not following doctor recommendation for 24 hour care

My mom as Dementia her doctor said she needs 24/7 care and she can stay in her home as long as someone is with her. My sister as POA I had to report her to DHS because she was not doing what she was supposed to be doing. Several years ago my brother and I could see mom was getting more and more forgetful. We mention this to the POA and she pretty much ignores us in everything we said. We found mom leave items in the oven, leaving items in the microwave just forgetting things. I try to get her on the elderly waver program we almost did at one time but the POA said we didn’t have to do that

yet after I had mention to her what was going on. She walk in at my mom’s on Sunday am and found the burner on while my mom was lying down and didn’t do anything about it beside just talk to mom about what she had done wrong.

The last 6 months has been really bad. Her doctor said that mom could stay in her home as long as someone is with her. There are 6 siblings one lives around Atlantic Georgia which is around 14 hours from where mom lives. The POA is lying to some of the authorities about us not wanting anything to do with mom care since they got involve. I can show text messages us going back and 4th on different things. The POA just don’t think what is best for mom. Mom as a lot of health issues if she goes for a long ride her side hurts and she gets very tired very easy. Now my youngest brother said they would take mom in since his wife doesn’t work and the POA would go with her. If the POA would just sit down and set up a schedule but she doesn’t and some of the sibling said they would be at mom at a certain time and they are not.

We all want what is best for our mom. The POA and the youngest brother is telling mom she is just coming for a visit, I feel they are lying to her about this. Mom as a little dog that keeps her company. The POA is allergic to him she can not stand being around the dog. The dog could not go with mom if she would move to Georgia. Mom is 88 years old and is very happy in her home with supervision. Mom is not no problem at all to care for all she wants is to die in her home and be left alone. The POA had cut back her hours so she could spend more time helping out. I am the one that care for mom all of the years the POA was too busy doing other things. Mom had to go up to Rochester we wanted to get a second opinion on her health, mom has leaking valves right now the blood is pumping in the back of

her heart going into her lungs. Mom is on blood thinner. Once I started complaining I needed some help all xxxx broke loose but they don’t see it this way at all. I am not good enough now since I needed some help. I have my own business and they think I don’t need to work.

Please help me, mom as good days and bad days in her memory lost. The doctor as not declare her incompetent. Can the POA move her against her will she pretty much know what is going on from time to time yes she gets mixed up she is 88 years old. Can I get guardianship over her without going to court or without the other knowing it until it happens?

Status: Open    Sep 16, 2016 - 07:39 AM

Elder Law > Guardianship

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2 answers


Sep 24, 2016 - 03:47 PM

You need to consult the local District Attorney right away! You may not want to, but having a judge decide who can give the best care is probably best. In your current situation, your sister seems to have a blindness where it comes to how to keep your mother safe. The fact that she has dementia enough for a Dr. to state she needs full time care makes it obvious that she needs to have an advocate for her safety if nothing else. Leaving a burner on etc.... shows that she could actually be in danger being left alone. You would feel so guilty if something happened to her and you could have done more.

A judge will appoint a main guardian to make decisions (the one most qualified to do so), and the courts can help you get any extra help you might need. Sounds like you need some outside help to relieve your guys of the stresses of caregiving now and then.

Your sister has POA, but disqualifies herself by not doing what's in the best interest of your Mom. You're going to have to put aside any personal sibling guilt with the others and just do it. God bless you! I've gone through the same thing (had to get a lawyer), and it isn't easy, but worth it. Tammy O.

Sep 25, 2016 - 08:55 AM

You really need to set aside personal sibling feelings of guilt and contact your local district attorney for answers. A judge can appoint the person best to care for your mother, and is IMPARTIAL. Just tell your siblings that maybe you all need someone impartial, and if appointed by a judge, might help in getting financial and other care for her.
I know you don't want to go that route, but my brother and me HAD to. It was the best thing we've ever done. You would feel so guilty if something happened to her if you didn't do everything in your power to make her last days as good (andsafe) as they could be. The fact that she has dementia enough for a Dr. to sya she needs full time care (not to mention the safety issues ie: leaving the burner on..etc...), is enough for a judge to need to make a decision for her care and guardianship.

God bless you. These decisions are hard, but is a part of life where we honor our parents and take care of them. Tammy

Please let us know how it is going. We are all in this together.

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