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My mom is in a convalescent home with Alzheimer's

My mom is in a convolesent home with Alzheimer's . I have a very hard time going to visit her, as it breaks my heart to see her like this and this is not the person I did everything with. My sister and niece take care of everything and I am forever grateful but at the same time they're making me feel like an awful person because I don't visit often. I just can't. I cry the whole time I'm there and I leave so distraught. Half the time I don't even know how I drove home. I need help understanding why I can't visit and how to explain it to my sister so she understands that I'm not a bad person,

Status: Open    Sep 08, 2016 - 07:50 AM

Dementia, Relationships

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Sep 09, 2016 - 10:47 AM

I understand how you feel and your situation. The foremost priority is your mother and ensuring she has quality care. You can not do that from another location. You have to be there. Yes it is hard but to watch the changes that this disease is inflicting upon your mother. But it is the disease that is changing your mother. Do not focus on your feelings and what you have lost or the characteristics your mother has lost. Focus on being the best visitor your Mother has each time you go. Focus on her sense of hearing and play music. Focus on keeping her physical surrounding filled with things that represent love, hope and family. Focus on keeping her as comfortable as possible, not on your own heart or the feelings of your heart. Focus on your Mother and her needs.

As for your sister, tell her your difficulty and be honest. Be honest if she reponds in a manner you did not expect. But be honest. Also be honest and seek a counselor to help your with this adjustment. This counselor can be spiritual or psychological but counseling can help you acknowledge and cope with your Personal feelings about the disease affecting your mother. Your mother deserves the best quality of life and the best daughters. You area truly blessed with a sister and niece that are willing to sacrifice so much for your mother.

Good luck.
Be blessed.
Say a prayer "GOD" will help you as well.

Comments (2) | New Comment

By Glenn Holden on Sep 28, 2016 - 05:26 AM | Like (0)  |  Report

Have you considered seeking support from local Alzheimer's organizations? They frequently have educational and group support sessions that are targeted at friends and families of Alzheimer's sufferers. Meeting with others in a similar situation won't remove the trauma of seeing a loved one suffering with the disease. But having the ability to share a common anguish with someone, as well as hearing how they deal with the challenge, can be very helpful. Check with your local Council On Aging or Alzheimer's Association to see if they have more information. Good luck.

By mscathys on Feb 18, 2017 - 04:16 AM | Like (0)  |  Report

My mother suffers from Alzheimer's and is residing in a nursing home. It was very difficult for me to visit with her in the beginning. I continued to visit with her, even if the visit was short (15-20 minutes). I often left there in tears. It's very difficult because their whole personality changes and it is impossible to predict what their behavior will be like on any given day. I always remember that she is still my mom and she loves me and that it's important for her to see family that she loves and who loves her. If you don't visit with her, she will soon forget who you are and that will be very painful. May I suggest short visits at first to see if it gets easier and pray and ask God to give you the strength to do what you know in your heart is the right thing to do; you will cherish those moments when she is no longer here. I wish the best for you and your mom. God bless you.

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