Aug 20, 2016 - 09:58 AM
The short answer is yes, patients are transferred between care facilities all the time. However in eldercare situations, the complete answer is always much more complex.
The mechanics of physically moving someone has to be considered. Are they ambulatory? Can they endure a trip of that length? Cognitively impaired people do not always travel easily. Do you intend to move her in your own car or use an ambulance? Who would pay for the ambulance?
Is there a care facility bed available in your area? In some places there are waiting lists. If her current facility is part of a chain they might be able help find a bed within their system in your area.
Bed availability can be greatly affected by who is paying for the care. If she is paying her own costs, then the chances of finding a vacancy will be higher than if her costs are being covered by a government program like Medicade. Medicare does not cover long term care and Medicade is a state program. Changing states may involve having to serve an eligibly waiting period where her resources would have to pay for the care. When Medicade is paying for the care this limits the available options for facilities as some do not accept Medicade and some greatly limit the number of available Medicade beds.All this needs to handeled BEFORE she is moved.
Does your mother have other children? What are their feelings about moving her to another state? Ideally all eldercare decisions should be made by the entire family, but family dynamics does not always make this possible. You should not ‘steal’ their mother from them without at least consulting them first. You have said that they don’t provide care for her, but they need to be given a chance to do so before any changes are made.
As you describe your house it sounds like it is a totally inappropriate place for your mother. To place an elderly person in an environment where access to necessary facilities is impossible (e.g. bathing) or the likelihood of injury is high (e.g. stairs) is morally wrong and likely has legal prohibitions too. Do NOT bring her there!
There is another consideration that needs to be faced head on. You have a frail mother and a sick husband. I know you love your mother and want the best for her. However the vow you made to care for your husband (the man you love) ‘in sickness and in health’ did NOT come with an escape clause saying ‘unless my mother is sicker’. Make sure you mother is comfortable sure, but your first responsibly is to care for your husband.