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Is there any refuge from an elderly, selfish parent?

I have basically been in my mother's life for my entire 37 years. I had lived on my own for about 7 years before I decided to buy a house and move her in with me. She had let my childhood house go under and was living in a townhouse directly behind mine prior to me buying the house. It made sense financially at the time. She was not in bad heatlh and I figured it would be easier to keep an eye on her. We had a good relationship at the time and I figured it would help with her overall quality of life improve. Little did I know that it would zap me of mine.

She is now 75, she is overweight, diabetic and has macular degenration on one eye. To me, she is a weak individual who has casued most of the health problems and situations that arise. She can barely get around due to being weak and not owning the weight that she has acquired over the years. When she falls she can't get up and I can't lift her up, so she has to scoot cheek-by-cheek to a stairstep in order to be able to stand up again. Extremely lazy. She sits in a lift chair all day, getting up to use the bathroom or grab a snack occasionally. She does not cook, bake , sew or do anything that normal elders would do. She has no friends, does not drive and never leaves the house other than to go to the ER or doctor. Because of this, she tries to manipulate me to be in her life 24/7 with jealousy, pity and other vises. I do everything short of bathing and whiping her. She has no responsibility other than to tend to herself; I take care of everything else. The last 9 years have been hell with continuing health issues and drama.

She has no will to live or make it better, yet she claims that she loves me and would do anything for me. I have a lot an animosity and resentment towards her as I feel that a mother should be a rock for a child and despite my plea to help me help her, she has failed me. A chunk of what was to be the prime of my life has been lost. I have no love life, kids or a solid career. I can go on an on. I don't know what to do or where to turn. It hurts my heart to be in this situation. I want her out of my life at this point. I don't know how to get her out and to a senior citizen'a home. She has the finances to live on her own thanks to my hard working father. Since she has lived with me so long, I would have to evict her right? I just don't know what to do, so any help would be appreciated.

Status: Open    Jul 11, 2016 - 07:06 AM

Caregiving, Relationships

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Jul 11, 2016 - 05:24 PM

I have been in a similar place with my mom for eight years now. I hear you, it's very difficult.
I've actually been getting some therapy myself and am learning to better recognize my needs and to set boundaries to have my needs met. I'm recognizing that I can only give so much and that my well-being is as important as hers. I'm in the process of moving her into an assisted living dementia care facility. In my mom's case, I had to go through the process of getting her on Medicaid and then do research as to what facilities would be appropriate for her and would accept Medicaid.

I suggest you do some research and locate a place that might be suitable for her. There are social workers who specialize in elder care who may be able to advise you. Check with your senior center in your area, or search online for senior resources. Healthcare organizations can also refer people to such social workers.

Do you have power of attorney for her? If you don't I would suggest you talk with your mom about granting you power of attorney, so you can manage her affairs for her, and meet with an eldercare lawyer who can do the paperwork for you as well as handle a Will if need be.
I did this with my mom when she was beginning to develop dementia and I'm so glad I did.

I also pray a lot and ask God to guide me to the best solutions for the two of us. God is good and has help me to find solutions.

Best to you in your difficult situation.


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By willz_life on Jul 12, 2016 - 12:30 PM | Like (0)  |  Report


Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate all of the information!

God Bless!

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