A mediator can definitely help you have a calm and productive conversation with your mother and brother, and there are elder mediators who are specifically trained in the complex issues of health, finances, home and family relationships. Rather than talk to your mother, a facilitative mediator will provide a calm place and process to help you have these conversations together. You'll be guided in discussing difficult topics, and in making decisions and agreements that work for your mother's needs and wants, taking into account your and your brother's concerns. Look for someone who does online mediation as well, so that you can 'attend' the mediation. A good place to search for a mediator in your area is at www.mediate.com
, where you'll find great information about the process and can search for elder mediators by location and specialty. There may also be a professional mediation association in your state with listings. All the best to you in this difficult time.