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When do I turn my sister in to social services?

My sister moved my mom into a senior living center 6 years ago. She sold her home, and basically used up all her assets. Mom has alzheimers now, and at the point she needs to move into assisted living. My other sister and myself have spent the last 6 years trying to make mom comfortable, buying her food (she gets only dinner daily) paying for the medicine ect. I tried to protect mom and called Adult protection at year 2, but my sister managed to dance around everything, say mom gave her a loan and nothing came of it. She even snuck her drug addicted son into moms apartment for 2 weeks last year, mom was scared to death. Luckely we ended that, and he went off to rehab.

Now that mom needs help, she is a danger to herself alone, we demaded a meeting with that sister (who claims to have a durable power of attorney but wont produce it), and she finally fessed up that she was 2 months behind in paying moms rent. Now she plans on moving her to a home with assisted living, stiff the landlord, and claims the new place will take all moms money. We actually checked that same place 2 months ago and it was 500 dollars less. When my other sister asked the place about price while visiting, the one with control stopped the person short, and made sure she didn't say the real price in front of her.

I can't change what the sister in charge has done, but mom is scared to go the new place, and the night before the new place had come up, the three of us agreed the best option was my other sister becoming caretaker. There is no way the one in charge can lie herself out of being 2 months behind using moms SS check. My other sister and myself have used everything we have making sure mom even had enough to eat, she provided nothing.

I have read the laws, and think this time, adult protective services will have to find my sister has misused moms money. My fear is if I speak up, a court will take over, and Mom will end up in a nursing home. This is her biggest fear, and she is not ready for that. I would rather her remain stealing 500 bucks a month if that means mom will be ok.
Status: Open    May 02, 2016 - 08:02 AM

Elder Law > Guardianship

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Expert Answers

May 11, 2016 - 07:12 AM

An elderly person being neglected is the same as an infant being neglected. Your sister is clearly abusing your mother. She is stealing your mother's money and your mother is powerless to stop her. You do not have to report the situation to adult protective services. You can ask to be appointed as the guardian and conservator for your mother. That requires filing a petition, usually in probate court . You should seek the assistance of an attorney to do this. If you do not want to face the sister who is abusing your mother, then call adult protective services again. Tell them the whole story including the parts you did not list here. Yes, the court will appoint someone to take over and protect your mother and take all authority, real or imagined, away from the sister. All of your mother’s resources and income will be used to protect her.

This answer may appear harsh but it offends me to know someone is being abused and nothing is done to stop the abuse.

Please do something quickly.

Voted Best Answer

May 11, 2016 - 07:12 AM

An elderly person being neglected is the same as an infant being neglected. Your sister is clearly abusing your mother. She is stealing your mother's money and your mother is powerless to stop her. You do not have to report the situation to adult protective services. You can ask to be appointed as the guardian and conservator for your mother. That requires filing a petition, usually in probate court . You should seek the assistance of an attorney to do this. If you do not want to face the sister who is abusing your mother, then call adult protective services again. Tell them the whole story including the parts you did not list here. Yes, the court will appoint someone to take over and protect your mother and take all authority, real or imagined, away from the sister. All of your mother’s resources and income will be used to protect her.

This answer may appear harsh but it offends me to know someone is being abused and nothing is done to stop the abuse.

Please do something quickly.

Answers

May 11, 2016 - 07:00 AM

Number 1: The court has little interest in taking over your mother's affairs or putting her in the inappropriate placement.

Number 2: If you take this to APS/Guardianship service level, your sister may run.

Number 3: You do need specific evidence claiming your sister has mis-managed funds, and that's mis-managed not solen.

Number 4: The "system" in my experience see this as a "family problem" and unless it's an outsider, don't want to mess with it.

Number 4: Has your mother been clinically proven to be incompetent to manage decisions by a court ordered psychologist,etc.?

Number 5: If not, she is still her own decision maker unless she is in a "locked" Alzhiemer unit.

Number 6: You or anyone can apply for guardianship to take over decisions for your mom if she has been proven to be incompetent.

These are general statements of non-legal/ethical context and do not reflect facts of a particular state,county,city,etc..

Source: 

May 11, 2016 - 01:55 PM

Guardianship is expensive. Your bad sister has defaulted on your mom's debts. So is your Mom liable or your sister?

I am probably different from most, but I would try to stop the move. Make your sister pay the rent properly, or start payiing it yourself and cut her out of the picture.

What am I missing? Why move Mom? Don't let her do be moved behind your back. Discuss this with the current living facility. Make them your ally.

May 18, 2016 - 06:06 PM

Get an eldercare attorney involved now. You can't afford NOT to. Sis can provide care but she MUST no longer be in charge of funds. If she has a POA, she has abused it and needs to be removed. Is she also an addict, or just enabling her son?

May 26, 2016 - 09:24 PM

No she is only addicted to money. I did not mention she stole over 5 million as trustee of the family estate. She has even managed to become a trustee of a lot of people who die, and gets revamped right after it happens. I wish I could afford an attorney, but I only have a week left, I am leaning toward reporting her. I don't know why, but I can't get over a guilt trip about reporting her. She is only moving mom now because she got fired for stealing, and needs the money.

Jun 05, 2016 - 12:48 PM

Your only option to NOT get your sister reported is to retain an attorney that you pay for. In my state at least everyone else you would talk to who could telll you anything is a mandatory reporter. In fact most likely the senior center she is in is a mandatory reporter and if you contact them and even breath a word that your mother's money was stolen by your sister they will likely be required by law to report it to adult protective services.

You need to immediately report it to Adult Services. Your sister has had experience in BSing them and knows what to say to make you look bad. If you try to cover this up in any way she will say you aren't a fit to have guardianship over your mother because you knowingly assisted in HER fraud!! Then later she will say "she's reformed" and try to grab your mother's SS!! It's pretty insane what some of these people will do. I'd bet money your sister is either dealing drugs or is also addicted herself and is involved in a whole bunch of other sordid stuff you don't know about.

You have let this go on long enough and you need to just deal with it. Don't cover for your sister. Fight for your mother. Lawyer up and go after her and tell the lawyer to claw back as much as possible from sister. Throw the sister to the dogs.
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