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My elderly parents refuse to accept help, what do I do?

Assisted by CNA , are continuing to decline, falling and unable to get up from floor, calling paramedics for assistance in fall. They refuse to live in an assisted living community, or nursing home. Mom is in a wheelchair and can barely navigate to the bathroom, and has fallen out of her chair. My mother even refuses to let the CNA cook meals for them, I cook all their homemade dinner meals. I have MS and cannot continue to support them. My Cousin takes them to all their doctors’ appointments which continue to increase as they age. He has a mother living with him that is 84, and needs him at home to watch over her. We are at our whit’s end, I understand retaining guardianship can be costly and very time consuming, but I fear they will hurt themselves in a fall or worse. Any advice or help is greatly appreciated, thank you. Christi

Status: Open    Mar 07, 2016 - 07:50 AM

Elder Law > Guardianship, Caregiving

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Expert Answers

Mar 09, 2016 - 06:18 AM

It sounds like it's past time for a serious discussion. Approach the topic in a gentle but firm attitude. You need to make sure that your parents understand the burden that everyone is carrying, and that the CNA is there to for everyone's benefit. Is it possible there is a personality mismatch with the CNA and your parents? If so, consider replacing that person with someone else to see if you can get a better fit. Again, be gentle but firm in your discussion, and try to set aside emotions, like feelings of guilt. Your own health and well being are very important. Good luck!



Apr 08, 2016 - 03:04 PM

Sounds like a difficult position for sure. You didn't say what condition your father is in. Who and why are they calling paramedics when she falls if there's a CNA there? Who is doing the cleaning and helping with personal hygiene? Do you suspect either or both have some sort of dementia?

To begin with you might start by asking yourself a few questions like; what are my priorities; what am I afraid of? Most of all ask yourself - Do I continue to help my parents at the risk of complicating my MS, or neglecting my family's needs?
What would happen if I told them the CNA will cook and I have another commitment elsewhere so I won't be cooking for you? Will they starve or let the CNA cook? Will they be angry with you? Yell at you? So what if they do? A couple or few times of that and they'll get over it and realize you aren't going to be guilted or bullied into it anymore. Taking just one step like that will strengthen you and may help them to make more practical choices about their care. The next step you need to take to protect your own health will be easier for both of you.

Best Wishes.

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