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How do I deal with mother who hears or sees people come into her apartment?

My mother is 89 and diagnosed with moderate to severe dementia. After 11 years with my husband and me, she moved into an independent living facility. She is in terrific health physically and takes no medication, even though her doctor recommended Celexa for her depression ("I am NOT crazy!"). In the last few years, she has begun hiding her things and swears they were taken. I go find them and all is okay. In the last month though, she hears and sees people come into the apt. and steal from her. She goes to the office and reports it, then calls me crying that she is scared when they come in. It's a daily occurrence. In the last 2weeks, she has lost 2 telephones, the keys to her apt, as well as her cash, drivers license, and her debit card and this REALLY happened-I can't find them anywhere! The office thinks she brings them to the dining room and forgets them. I have tried to keep her calm but it's not working. She refuses to go to the doctor because that's where she was told she had dementia and she doesn't believe her. She lives an hour away and it's hard to drop things and go searching when she "gets robbed" in the night. She likes where she lives, except for seeing people come into her apt. Should I consider assisted living, which costs more than her income? I'm mentally exhausted and my sister can't help because she lives in Europe.
Status: Open    Feb 06, 2016 - 05:36 PM


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Feb 09, 2016 - 09:59 AM

It's hard sometimes to know exactly what is happening when it comes to "missing items." You may want to consider a new nationwide Check-In service provided by Penrose Senior Care Auditors. Their certified auditors will visit your loved-one and make sure everything is okay and report to you. They have two affordable services that you might consider:

1. Care-Check -- they visit and assess 150 items related to your senior's well-being, and your report is immediately delivered to you.
2. Inventory-Check -- you select 25 items from 100 available (and submit photos/descriptions if you want) and the auditors try to locate them in the residence. They take images of what they find and a report is delivered immedately to you.


Feb 10, 2016 - 07:58 AM

My heart goes out to you. I think you need to consider guardianship so that you can make the decisions that need to be made. She is having difficulty protecting herself and may not be making rational decisions about her well being. It sounds like moving to assisted living is at least in the near future. I suggest you call A Place for Mom representative and discuss what facilities are available and investigate the prices. You may be able to find one that she can afford. Many states provide a Medicaid benefit for that type of facility. You can also consider a web cam so that you can see her apartment and speak to her through it and your cell phone. She would need Wi-Fi there. This can help because she does not have to find the phone and call.
Godspeed to you and your mother.
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