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How can I get meds for my husband who refuses to see doctor?

My husband is 81 physically healthy but his Dementia is now showing signs of what seems like Sundowners. He has gotten progressively more violent and can get physical. He refuses to go to the doctor. He gets physical and anger takes over when pressed. What is the best answer to getting some sort of medicine or whatever to help?
He is to the point of not always knowing who I am. We've been together 30 yrs and am 20 yrs younger, but I really think he no longer believes I am his wife. Especially when frustration takes over.
I'm at a loss as to where to go from here.
Status: Open    Jan 19, 2016 - 11:24 AM


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1 answer


Jan 23, 2016 - 05:39 AM

First I am going to address one of your statements. "He has gotten progressively more violent and can get physical" ..You have to protect yourself. If he hurts you he will not understand what he has done and if you require hospitalization who will take care of him? Even if you think YOU are not ready for him to go inot assisted living you need to look into it as a very real option. Staff in a facility that is designed for memory care know how to handle Sundowning, agitation and some forms of violence. Although the key is to stop the behavior before it gets to the "physical and or violent" stage. And it may be possible to get a Doctor to visit him in the facility rather than you having to take him to the doctor. Although he will have to get a physical before he enters.
Ok now that I have your safety off my mind...
If it is just the Doctor that you can not get him to go to maybe it would be a good idea not to tell him that he has a visit scheduled and just tell him you are going out. The Doctor appointment could be the first stop then have a nice lunch or go to a movie what ever he would enjoy.

If you are with him at home you might want to get some help in. It is very possible that he will follow some instructions from someone else. And having another voice if he gets frustrated may help defuse his anger.

By the way I almost could have written this...My husband is in pretty good health, We have been together over 30 years, He is 10 years older than I am, He has not called me by name in 6 I do not know if he knows I am his wife. But he does know that I am a safe person, that I help him and that he can trust me. But I have also said if he were to become violent I would have no option but to place him. He does not have a violent bone in his body but it is not him that would become violent it is the disease that has ravaged his mind that would make him do something like that.
You need to think of yourself and how you can best care for him and if that means placing him for his safety and yours that is the best way you can care for him.

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