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How to convince my elderly parents to leave their grandson?

My twenty seven year old nephew has stolen thousands of dollars from my parents due to his drug and alcohol addiction. He has totaled their vehicles one by one, he's nearly destroyed their home (on a few occasions) by falling asleep smoking. My dad continues to put up with him because my mom "could never live with herself" if they were to kick him out! To make matters worse my mom has dimentia and my dad won't upset her by doing anything "rash". We are at our wits end and strongly suspect that elder abuse is going on but they both deny this, even when the proper authorities are sent to their home. They are in such denial but we can't seem to make them understand this. Financially they are barely making ends meet, all their savings are gone and recently have done a reverse mortgage on their home in order to survive - so they say, we feel its to give their grandson drug money. He has convinced them that he will die if he doesn't have his drugs. PLEASE HELP!
Status: Open    Sep 21, 2015 - 07:43 AM


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Sep 22, 2015 - 12:16 PM

Oh my, first of all let me applaud you for coming forward to try and help! As both a professional in the senior care industry and a family member who watched something similar happen to my own grandparents, I can say THIS IS TOUGH!!! It's difficult to continue to standby and watch this happen, but one thing (horrible as it sounds) is we must let adults (who are capable of) make their own decisions, bad or good. Now I see that your mom's memory is comprimised. I would suggest continuing to alert authorities along the way as incidents happen, in essence you are creating a paper trail necessary for the long haul. I would suggest keeping Adult Protective Services on speed dial that you can call each time an incident happens. These calls are documented and while a visit might reveal 'little' when they go out all you can continue to do is alert them. That being said when appropriate you can also request a 'welfare check' from the local sheriff office to alert another authority along the way.

It is often expensive, but some families who are able work with an elder law attorney for guardianship. Again, a process for sure, but if you continue to alert authorities of various incidents your paper trail is created for you.

Adult Protective Services is very similar to Child Welfare Services in that single incidents are often not caught at the right time but if concerned parties continue to alert authorities each incident one time, the right time, the situation will be unmanageble and they will be able to act within the law.

I wish you and your family the best and offer you an open door along the way. These forums are great to solicit other families who have gone through this for both advice and support.


Sep 27, 2015 - 09:12 AM

WE went through this last year with my brother. He had taken much from my mother that we were unaware of until he emotionally abused her in her Dementia Care home. We had a court-apppointed guardian then, but the damage was done. She died 3 months later.

I would put a restraining order on that nephew, or something more physical. Choose your elder law attorney very carefully - we are still dealing with their greed and cronyism a year later. Your parents may be eligible for state senior housing, which would remove them physically from the jerk.

Remember caregiver tip #71 - don't argue! do what youi know is right your loved ones.If a doctor verifies your mom's dementia, that gives you a way to move her out of this situation.
I wish you much luck.


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