Ask a Question

What can I do? Moms nursing home is kicking her out because of her aggressiveness and combativeness.

Mom has dementia with psychosis. She has been in a nursing home since October 2014. Her delusions and hallucinations are getting worse and medications are not keeping her calm and she has become very combative and aggressive. The nursing home is now giving us 30 days to find a new place for mom as they cannot as they say "manage her anymore".

We are also out of funds and are in the middle of applying for medical (medicaid) for mom.

I am at my wits end. I literally feel paralyzed at what to do next.

I just want to run away. I cry all the time (in private).

The sad thing of all is, I miss the woman who used to be my mother so much. I wish I had her to talk to now.

What can I do to give us more time to find the right place for her?

Status: Open    Jul 07, 2015 - 02:48 PM

Caregiving, Dementia

Do you have the same question? Follow this Question

3 answers

Expert Answers

Jul 09, 2015 - 07:00 AM

I have empathy for your situation and the difficulties you are facing. I had to go though a similar discussion with a family member, and the limited options just seem to shrink the whole world.

It's very hard to make a recommendation without a truly thorough knowledge of the situation, so read into my suggestions with the assistance of your family and the nurses and support staff that surrounds you.

If your mom is currently combative and is becoming physical, the very first thing I think you should do is recommend to her Assisted Living that she be discharged to a local psychiatric hospital that cares for geriatric patients. This gives you a few options and benefits. First, the geri-psych will actively work to adjust your mom's medications to effectively balance her behavior. I don't like making this recommendation, and we use it as a last resort when an assisted living memory care can no longer care for an agitated resident.

If she is placed in the hospital, you will have two options. First, and less likely, the assisted living will not accept her to return. If there is a financial challenge, even more so. However, the psychiatric hospital will ALSO help with placement through their social services department. It's important that you remain adamant about not being equipped to handle your mother's level of care should they attempt to discharge her to your home. In a way, this becomes a kind of limbo for your mom while you are detailing the best next step.

Judging by only what you are writing, it sounds like you will be requiring a secured nursing home that specializes in memory care and accepts medicaid. Your options will likely be very, very limited, and you may be facing additionally limited availability. The reason I recommend a skilled nursing over assisted living is that skilled nursing has more liberty regarding medications and using tools to provide appropriate care to residents who experience severe agitation.

I understand that both options are not the most savory as we discuss senior living in general. Reach out for help with candid honesty to her current assisted living and anyone who is willing to provide experienced direction. You may even want to call a local Ombudsman or state representative for assistance. In Missouri, I would recommend you call the Department of Health and Senior Services to assist with finding a social worker to help you navigate the next best steps. Your state will have a similar department.

My heart goes out to you in your situation and for your mom. Please remember- if any facts of your case change the scenario, lean on your local help for the next best steps. This answer isn't an end-all response, it's just a set of steps that address your specific question. My best to your family.

Voted Best Answer

Jul 09, 2015 - 07:00 AM

I have empathy for your situation and the difficulties you are facing. I had to go though a similar discussion with a family member, and the limited options just seem to shrink the whole world.

It's very hard to make a recommendation without a truly thorough knowledge of the situation, so read into my suggestions with the assistance of your family and the nurses and support staff that surrounds you.

If your mom is currently combative and is becoming physical, the very first thing I think you should do is recommend to her Assisted Living that she be discharged to a local psychiatric hospital that cares for geriatric patients. This gives you a few options and benefits. First, the geri-psych will actively work to adjust your mom's medications to effectively balance her behavior. I don't like making this recommendation, and we use it as a last resort when an assisted living memory care can no longer care for an agitated resident.

If she is placed in the hospital, you will have two options. First, and less likely, the assisted living will not accept her to return. If there is a financial challenge, even more so. However, the psychiatric hospital will ALSO help with placement through their social services department. It's important that you remain adamant about not being equipped to handle your mother's level of care should they attempt to discharge her to your home. In a way, this becomes a kind of limbo for your mom while you are detailing the best next step.

Judging by only what you are writing, it sounds like you will be requiring a secured nursing home that specializes in memory care and accepts medicaid. Your options will likely be very, very limited, and you may be facing additionally limited availability. The reason I recommend a skilled nursing over assisted living is that skilled nursing has more liberty regarding medications and using tools to provide appropriate care to residents who experience severe agitation.

I understand that both options are not the most savory as we discuss senior living in general. Reach out for help with candid honesty to her current assisted living and anyone who is willing to provide experienced direction. You may even want to call a local Ombudsman or state representative for assistance. In Missouri, I would recommend you call the Department of Health and Senior Services to assist with finding a social worker to help you navigate the next best steps. Your state will have a similar department.

My heart goes out to you in your situation and for your mom. Please remember- if any facts of your case change the scenario, lean on your local help for the next best steps. This answer isn't an end-all response, it's just a set of steps that address your specific question. My best to your family.

Answers

Dec 15, 2015 - 08:53 AM

My Mom was suddenly put in a ambulance and taken to the nearest ER and "dumped" and "abandoned" by the Memory Care facility I had her in. They knew I was coming in 2 more weeks to bring her to her home and "try" to care for her through the winter.

I got a phone call at Midnight from the facility telling me that she was going to the ER and that I would have to pick her up there. I live 200 miles away, it is midnight and I have a horse....fortunately for me I had already made arrangements to have a place to bring the horse as I WAS planning in another 2 weeks to get her...... The ER calls me at 2AM to say they are evaluating her and will call back...They call again at 3AM, saying so far none of the testing shows anything but Dementia...At 5 AM they call again and ask when I can come and get her...so from 5 AM till 11AM we litterally pack our lives up and are down the road.
Husband is pulling the horse trailer and I am in the car heading for the ER. I arrive at the ER at 5PM...the attending Physician tells me the facility will not allow her back.

I have now been 24/7 with my husband caring for my Mom since October 5. It is now December 15. We have had only 3 isolated episodes of agressive rage and anger that were short lived to about an hours time. Each was in the early morning hours of 2 to 4 AM....Her behavior reports from the 6 weeks she was at the "facility" showed hours long agressive combative rage going on after the first 8 days of residence each night from around 9PM onward . We have learned that there are a small 1 to 3% of Dementia patients who cannot tolerate the disruptiveness that occurs in the "skilled Memory Care facilities" Mom apparently fits into that number. Not sure where to go after May 2016 comes around..I do not have a "home" of my own that would work for her, so have many bridges to cross by then.

This has occured in Oregon and began in July 2015 when her husband died and I got that phone call to come for her as they were living together in their home and both were 88 years old. We began the draw down of funds at that date and are in the midst of "wrangeling" with his Trust for the means to pay for her to have 24/7 in home care as she was NOT a beneficiary of any funds from it.

I wish anyone with this experience to keep strong and forthright as it is not a pleasent journey for your retirement years.

Source: 

Jan 06, 2016 - 05:26 AM

Been there done that. The 'Skilled Nursing Facility' was not at all equipped to help my Mom through rehab from a fall. They could not discharge her fast enough and forced me to sign that I was taking her 'Against Medical Advice'. Of course, they gave no advice. And yes, she was a handful, because nothing about the facility was geared towards the needs of dementia patients. She made 2 trips to the ER - ALONE - and hurt staff and residents and was covered in bruises herself from interactions with staff.

I took her home. And learned about Medicaid's Consumer Directed programs. Specifically we are enrolled in the Nursing Home Transition Diversion Program. People come to our home and provide Mom with the one-on-one care she needs. Of course she is calmer! And not covered in bruises. And not doped out of her head. There is no look back for this program and the individual can keep their home and a car. Contact your local Office of the Aging or Department of Social Services to see what is available.

Good luck!
Answer this question

Recently Active Members