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Who makes the choice about moving to a nursing home?

My Dad has dementia and is in a local assisted living facility. It is a really nice place that treats people well. My Dad is very weak and staggers a lot. I am the only child and he had fallen at home numerous times. At least where he is at they can check on him. My problem is that he will not do anything to help himself or improve his quality of life. He will not take a bath, change clothes or take any of his medicine. I have to trick him into seeing his doctor, which is a waste of time since he won't do anything the doctor wants. I go to see him every day, but this is a real burden on me. I can sometimes get him to take his medicine, but I can't do this every day and the assisted living place will not do it. My father is now beginning to show signs of involuntary movements, funny breathing and head shaking. Who makes the choice about the nursing home? This is my last choice.
Status: Open    Jun 08, 2015 - 02:43 AM

Caregiving, Dementia

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Expert Answers

Jul 06, 2015 - 07:37 AM

Things to consider when making this decision are:

· Does anyone have power of attorney?

· Is your dad self-pay or is Medicaid involved?

· Is your dad cooperative with you making the decisions?

If you are the closest relative and Medicaid is not involved, it looks like you are free to make the choice.

If you do not have legal power of attorney, you might want to consult an attorney. Ideally that attorney is knowledgeable in elder law.

It does not sound like your dad is able to make his own decisions and needs closer supervision. Self-neglect is a common characteristic of dementia. State laws limit assisted living facilities on the amount of care they can provide for a resident. They may get to a point where they have to notify you that they can no longer keep your dad. It sounds like this assisted living facility does not have a memory care unit; is that correct?

Assisted living facilities, usually, have a way to provide some personal care, either provided by them or available from another agency. Have you tried that or tried hiring an agency to come in to provide personal care?

Be sure to visit the skilled nursing facilities that you are considering. Some are set up better for memory care residents.


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Aug 31, 2015 - 02:26 PM

My Grandmother is in a nursing facility and has dementia. I had to make the decision that she could no longer live alone at home, and I have to work and take care of my own home and not to mention my Grandmother has six kids but I am all of them in one. I was raised by her her so I already knew her finances and everything of that matter. This wasn't easy for me because I knew she never wanted to go to a nursing home but I also knew I couldnt give her the 24hr care that she needed. Although, this is still hard for me because she's been in the nursing home now going on 3yrs, I'm always worried are they treating her right? Are they assisting her properly? A number of things go through my head. And to be quite honest I still do alot even with her being in the nursing home because, if they can't get her to eat, bathe or take her medicine then I have to leave work, home or where ever I am to go to the facility get her to do what she has to do. It s getting harder now because her dementia has progressed so things that I was able to get her to do so easily before im not able to now without putting in alot of effort and bribing into it. This doesn't get easier for the person with dementia or the person that is caring for them either but, places like this that shows me im not alone is what helps me get through my toughest days. I hope this helps some.

Source: Sheena Robertson


Sep 02, 2015 - 08:33 PM

Your dad is very lucky to have you. I know you mentioned being an only child. I hope you find support through friends or other family members. Taking care of yourself is important too!

Have you considered looking into a smaller adult care home? Or maybe an assisted living that specializes in memory care. I wonder if that might not be a better option than where he is now. The staff is trained to manage some of the instances you reference above.

It might be worth a call to a Senior Living Advisor at A Place for Mom to investigate what your other options may be. You can reach your local advisor at 1-866-568-2989

Oct 05, 2015 - 08:45 AM

My mother was in an assisted living facility. the caregivers there are essentiallly people off the street no training. Mom ended up breaking her hip and died a week later. She needed to be in nursing home or foster home where there is more personable care and fewer residents to monitor. In nursing homes residents who tend to have problems with getting up when they are not steady are put closer to nurse station. I kept an eye on Mom she was falling most everymorning I finally put it together that it was her meds. There was a nurse a t facility but she didnt pick up on it. I had had 30 years experience with seniors in homes, facilities etc. I finally got Dr attention about the meds. He ignored me for over 4 months . I finally got pharmacist involved and he got things changed, however to another med that was similar. I eventually got melatonin for Mom. A person in facility needs someone to keep an eye on things, go to Dr appts, the care meetings etc. The family usually is more familiar with loved ones needs medical physical, and other things to help with their care.

Source: Ann

Oct 30, 2015 - 01:39 AM

I understand your concerns about your dad's health but it is quite difficult to take good care of him at home. My mother has been suffering from Dementia for the last many years and lives at Luvida Memory Care. The staff there is professionally trained and is very compassionate with the residents.

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