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Mom wants to go home, how do I tell her she can't?

Everytime I visit my Mom in assisted living she tries to leave with me saying she is going home
Status: Open    Apr 06, 2015 - 10:20 AM

Caregiving, Senior Living Communities

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Apr 20, 2015 - 04:49 AM

My mother constantly asks to go home as well. The problem is the home she wants to go to no longer exists. I try to deflect her requests with excuses like having to work or suggesting another day. If your problem is always arising as you are trying to leave, I would suggest timing your visits so that a meal is being served when you are ready to go. That distraction might help you get out of the door without a struggle. Getting the staff to help would be another suggestion. The worst part about this is the guilt you likely feel when you do leave your mom. You have to remind yourself that she is in assisted living for a reason and learn to give yourself a break.


Apr 20, 2015 - 07:11 PM

I don't know if your Mom has Dementia/Alz.. My Mom does and it makes my heart so sad every time she brings up wanting to move back to her home. I tell her someone else is living there (renting) and we can revisit that subject at a later time. Sometimes I say we can talk about the pros and cons tomorrow. Tomorrow comes and she has totally forgotten yesterdays conversation. Some things are better forgotten. However, no matter what...our Moms, as long as they remember anything, will want to move back to where things were good and they could do as they wanted and enjoyed life. I am compassionate about the subject and I do tell her I understand.
One more thing...when we have family gatherings, I bring her and her husband over early, so she can help me with the meal or whatever she wants to help with.
Best of luck to you. I know how tough this is.

Source: debbie

Apr 20, 2015 - 09:38 PM

Tell her maybe someday, but for now, it just is not possible. Be direct but don't destroy all hope. This seems to appease my dad. It pleases him in the moment, and I haven't actually "closed" any doors (metphorically speaking).

Apr 25, 2015 - 03:25 PM

I recently heard that when someone says "I want to go home" it may in fact mean that they want things to go back the way they were.
So it may just mean that they want reassuance that they are safe and will be taken care of.

May 01, 2016 - 06:54 AM

My mom says this too. Eventually I figured out that, in her case, she just wanted to go to her room! She was not actually wanting to go back to her previous apartment.
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