Mar 09, 2015 - 08:06 AM
One thing that I was not clear about is if your MIL (mother-in-law) has any dementia. Does someone have financial and/or medical power of attorney? Are there other close family members, other than your husband and you? If so, how supportive are other family members of your situation.
There are many issues that can be involved in this situation. You may have resolved some of these. I will address the issues that I can think of and you can decide what is appropriate for your MIL’s situation. I realize that the course you take will depend upon the family dynamics that exist in your immediate and extended family. The more in agreement all family members are, the better.
I would begin by sitting down with all ‘directly involved’ family members, significant others, and MIL to discuss the situation. Be honest and firm that you can no longer continue with this situation. But still try to be tactful. Emphasize that it is not safe for MIL. Then open discussion to what options are available. This isn’t always easy to discuss these issues but helps prevent problems in the future. I always encourage including the MIL, even if she might not be able to understand all of the issues. It can help her, eventually, accept the move. It also provides an opportunity for her to provide input so she will be more accepting when it is time to move.
Don’t forget to get input from your MIL’s primary health provider. The primary provider can help encourage your MIL to accept a more secure place for her.
A Home Health Agency evaluation may be helpful. They have a full staff of health professionals to evaluate your MIL’s situation and may be able to help you foster your MIL’s acceptance of a move.
From what you describe, your MIL needs an Assisted Living or Board and Care facility. The fact that you are visiting the Place For Mom website tells me that you recognize them as a resource for you. Hopefully, you are able to take some time to investigate different facilities in your area. I think it is important to actually visit these facilities and take your MIL with you to help her buy into the facility that all of you select.
Hopefully, you are able to choose a place close by, so you and your family can make frequent trips to make sure she is receiving good care and so she will not feel abandoned.
I wish you luck. My husband and I took care of my MIL and my elderly cousin. I sympathize with your situation, but can tell you that you will probably not regret what you are doing for your MIL.