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Suggestions for dealing with my verbally hostile and threatening mother?

85 yr. old mother has diagnosed moderate to severe dementia requiring 24/7 care. She will not follow instructions and has hostile emotional outbursts.

Status: Open    Jan 27, 2015 - 09:14 AM

Dementia, Relationships

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4 answers


Jan 28, 2015 - 03:43 PM

My deceased husband was the same way 'verbally hostile and threatening' after his 1st stroke when he had always been very protective of me throughout all of our years of marriage.

I secretly recorded him going off on me one day, then after a few days when things were calm I turned the recorder on and LOUD... he came running in from the other room wanting to know who was cussing, badgering and belittling his wife? WHEN I told him it was him and that, that is what he sounded like when he is having one of his angry moments with me ... after several moments of awkward silence, he simply turned and walked away from me back to his favorite chair, never to ask or speak of it again. 'IT' VERY SELDOM HAPPENED AFTER THAT, THAT SORT OF VERBAL ABUSIVENESS AGAIN - I guess it just took him hearing himself and want he sounded like to others. Good Luck I know it isn't easy.

Source: My own experiences...

Feb 28, 2015 - 11:48 PM

If you are not prepared to deal with dementia yourself, you must consider installing your relative in a care facility where s(he) will be attended to by a TEAM of support workers. There is no "shame" in that decision and it is a "win/win" decision. I have experienced this in two situations and yes I felt guilty but it is better for both parties. Dealing with dementia is extremely daunting and requires teamwork and I encourage folks to "let go and let God".

Mar 01, 2015 - 11:31 AM

I attended meetings for my dad whom I was caretaker for who also was very abusive towards me- they don't realize they are doing it and it can be very upsetting to them to try to show them what they are doing-this is a disease and they can't help it. If it is too difficult to deal with it is time to join a support group or possibly consider an assisted living arrangement for them. Hope this helps.

Mar 10, 2015 - 01:17 PM

These suggestions sound simple enough, however, when the person won't go to assisted living for help, then what?
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