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How can I take care of mom without compromising her dignity?

In so many ways she is like a child, she needs help with almost everything. I've never been able to shake the feeling that the normal her is still inside her brain somewhere and I don't want to humiliate that part of her.
Status: Open    Jan 06, 2015 - 08:13 AM

Caregiving

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Apr 10, 2015 - 03:40 PM

I agree with many of the answers given already. Allow her to make as many decisions as possible by giving her either or choices and both are good ones that you can deliver.

Usually the issue of dignity also comes into play if your Mom is incontinent and needs help with toileting and or showering. Remember to always protect her privacy by closing the bathroom door even if there is no one else in the home. Utilize a sheet or large towel and drape her as much as possible when drying her and changing her clothes. Only remove one piece of clothing at a time. Avert your eyes whenever possible to show respect. Let her know you want to assist her to make it easier for her and you want to make sure she is safe and free from slips and falls. Be aware of the room temperature when changing her clothes or showering and make sure the room is warm enough.

Check out any supplies that would make incontinence easier such as different types of pads or adult briefs. If she is not able to brush her own teeth due to grasping issues check out large handled toothbrush or a padded gripper that can be applied to a regular brush. Allow her to do whatever she is able to do herself even if it is not perfect and is small in the scheme of personal care, such as brush her hair, apply lip gloss, use mouthwash.

Find out her favorite scents and get special soaps etc for her. Create a spa type environment and make it fun and relaxing. You make even try spa music.

Kindness, gentleness, loving, and unhurried spirit will go a long way. Tell her how much you appreciated all the years she took care of you when you needed it. And now that she could use a little help and it is your honor to be there for her.

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Oct 02, 2015 - 09:57 AM

“The Only Thing to Fear, is Fear Itself”

FDR

Truer words were never spoken.

Fear in all of its permutations and manifestations is debilitating to both the body and spirit. When such fear is acute, it is even more crushing.

However, one positive and often unintended consequence is when it provides the impetus for personal introspection and growth.

I meet with plenty of families who are fearful. In fact, almost every family experiences some level of trepidation before placing a loved one in a nursing home.

They fear the unknown and they fear the fear itself!

This is completely normal.

Know that your Mom is stil there and you are still the daughter who loves her to pieces. You cannot humiliate your Mom, but to simply love her unconditionally, while realizing that she is compromised and that's not her fault or yours.

Love conqueres all!

Godspeed

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Feb 09, 2015 - 06:37 AM

My mom is the same way. My brothers and I (ranging in age from 56-66) are her 24/7 caregivers. I spend every weekend with her and try to talk to her as much as possible. About what's going on in my life now and a lot of memories from the past that she can relate to. She just loves to be talked to as if she were her old self. I also try to have her help me as much as possible in ways that I know she can't hurt herself especially with preparing meals even if it's to ask her advice on a dish she used to make, even though I know the answer and letting her do small things to help me prepare the meal. Also, I try to make a joke out of an "accident" she may have so she laughs about it and doesn't feel guilty about having it. It's a very hard situation, but we try to make the best of it and give her lots of love and hugs.
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