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How do I convince my siblings that my parents need help?

My out of state siblings refuse to acknowlege that my parents need help. How do I get them to understand?
Status: Open    Aug 30, 2014 - 12:06 AM

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Oct 14, 2014 - 10:13 AM

Many adult children are in denial about changes related to aging parents. Even more common is aging parents denial for their own need of help. I can only assume by your question that your parents are receptive to some assistance and you are attempting to get your out of state siblings on board.

My recommendation would be to obtain written documentation or recommendations from your parents physician(s) regarding why they need assistance, the type of assistance they need, and for how long. In addition collect information of providers in your parents' area that provide the type of assistance they need and the cost. This approach is giving your siblings factual, definitive data from an objective professional authority as to what is best for your parents.

Another option is to solicit one of your parent's close friends whom the family knows and trusts, who has first hand information and examples of their need. This person could also objectively express the need to your siblings.

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Feb 18, 2015 - 11:20 AM

A few years ago, my brother repeatedly asked our aging parents for financial help. The problem was that he had not seen them in years and he remembered them as being decades younger, and decidedly healthier and richer.

My solution was to pay for his plane ticket to visit them. My parents were thrilled to see him and he was able to see their situation in a more realistic light. I didn't have to say a word. While this might be an expensive solution, it was well worth the money to clear this up with no hard feelings. If out of state siblings could visit in person and witness your parents abilities and needs, this might be all that is required.

I also recommend filling out an Activites of Daily Living assessment, or having one completed by a doctor, social worker, or caregiver.

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