By guest blogger: Glenn R. Kantor, Esq.
Kantor & Kantor, LLP

Many families across the country are facing, or will soon be facing, paying for long term care for a loved one. As lawyers who work with insurance companies over denied long term care benefits, we understand how difficult this life stage can sometimes be.

The first step in getting your Long Term Care (LTC) Claim paid is recognizing that not all policies are the same. Oftentimes, older policies have more restrictive coverage – providing either “Nursing Home” benefits (which pay for room and board) or “Home Health Care” benefits (which pay for a qualified Home Health Care Provider). Newer policies, however, tend to provide benefits for both types of care. You will need to take a close look at your policy to determine the type of benefits provided. You can (and if you don’t have it, should) request a copy of your policy from your insurance company or employer (for group policies).

What determines eligibility for LTC benefits?

While the language of older policies typically focuses on “medical necessity,” more current policies are centered around an inability to perform two or more activities of daily living (ADL) without “hands on” or “stand by” (within an arm’s length) assistance. For instance, if you cannot perform ADL’s like eating, bathing, and dressing without assistance, you will likely meet your policy’s criteria for LTC benefits. However, meeting criteria for your LTC benefits is not sufficient on its own. You must have a physician confirm your inability to perform these ADL’s, or the presence of a cognitive impairment, and then recommend care to an appropriate licensed or eligible care provider.

Now that you understand the terms of your policy, and a physician has determined that you are in need of your LTC benefits, it is time to begin the claims process. Be sure that your physician established “Plan of Care” is consistent with the type of care that is covered under your policy.

What should I submit with my claim?

It is important that you do not let the claim forms limit you in conveying your restrictions. Include as much evidence as possible, and feel free to go beyond what the claim form allows. After carefully reviewing the claim forms, include certification by your physician stating that the treatment being requested is necessary. Once your claim has been submitted, we recommend that all of your communication with the insurance company be done in writing; however we understand that this is not always possible. If you must communicate with the insurance company orally, remember to obtain the name of the person to whom you are speaking and confirm the conversation with follow up correspondence. It is always a good idea to send correspondence by both regular mail, and certified mail that can be tracked.

What should I expect once my claim has been submitted?

After submitting your LTC claim, the insurer might conduct an assessment, either in person or telephonic, to verify your need for care. Be sure that you have a family member or knowledgeable caregiver present during this assessment to ensure that accurate information is being obtained! Note that policies issued after 2000 mandate that benefits cannot be denied without giving the insured an in person assessment by an independent licensed health care provider.

The facility that will provide your care also plays an important role in the claims process. The facility will need to provide forms proving that they qualify as an eligible provider under your policy, and include an assessment of you which determines your specific needs.

Insurance companies acting in good faith usually pay claims on a timely basis. However, many insurance companies are notorious for stalling the claim, in hopes that you will give up.  Because most LTC insureds are elderly, infirm, or cognitively impaired, they are vulnerable. We have seen insurance companies that do not hesitate to take advantage of these vulnerabilities. Be aware that many insurance companies will:

• Interpret the language of your policy to their own best interest
• Deny receiving necessary documents from you
• Utilize biased doctors and nurses to justify a denial of your claim
• Ignore, or fail to advise you about the benefits to which you are entitled

Although battling an insurance company can be a difficult and frustrating endeavor, it is a fight that must be fought for those in need of long term care. If you find that your insurer unfairly denies your claim for LTC benefits, it may be beneficial to seek out advice from a reputable and experienced attorney in this field of law.

About the Author: Kantor & Kantor is one of the most experienced and highly respected law firms dealing with the prosecution of claims against insurance companies. We represent clients whose insurance companies have failed or refused to pay claims arising out of Disability, Health, Life, Long Term Care and other liability insurance claims.

At Kantor & Kantor, we understand that an insurance denial is not the final word. If your long term care insurance claim has been unfairly denied, feel free to contact us at (800) 446-7529 or visit KantorLaw.net.

Have you or a loved one had trouble getting your long term care insurance claims paid? Feel free to share your stories and lessons learned in the comments section below.

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• Paying for Long-Term Care: Women and Long Term Care Insurance
• How to Use Long Term Care Insurance for Assisted Living
• 9 Things You Need to Know To Prepare for Medicare Benefits

Leisure Care’s brand of resort style retirement communities focus on expanding freedom, choice and independence for seniors.  Seniors have more time to explore the things they truly enjoy in life, including spending quality time with family and friends. As often happens, this socialization revolves around meals and dining.

According to Jason Childers, Senior Vice President of Leisure Care, providing a gourmet dining experience for residents is just one of the ways Leisure Care communities stand out in the crowd. “When a senior is shopping for a community or families are looking for a senior living community for their mom or dad, healthy—yet tasty food—is high on the priority list,” says Childers. “When you choose a community, you are basically choosing the restaurant that you will go to two to three times a day, every day. You better enjoy that restaurant.”

Collaborating with Childers to deliver on this promise is Chris Tolstoy, Food and Beverage Manager and Michael Sturm, Operations Director who leads the Health and Wellness initiatives for Leisure Care.  As manager of Leisure Care’s food and beverage program, Tolstoy strives to be both proactive and innovative when it comes to dining.

“Our goal is to produce meals that combine freshness, quality and taste that works,” shares Tolstoy. “Our Food and Beverage Program provides plenty of options for our residents and we adapt as needed across the board or from community to community.” These adaptations can be driven by a variety of things, such as what’s fresh and local, to regional and cultural preferences, to the changing palettes and tastes of residents. Examples of this include tasteful, southern-style barbecue in the south, or Louisiana Cajun style cooking at Leisure Care’s Atlanta community.  Pacific Northwest community menus are infused with seafood choices. Tolstoy notes, “We always focus on bringing in fresh, local organic produce into our communities wherever we can.”

Leisure Care Caters to Senior Lifestyles and Palettes

When families are looking for a senior living community for their loved ones, a combination of nutritious and tasty food is high on the priority list. Meal time is part of socialization and enjoyment at every age, but is especially important for seniors as meal time provides stimulation and mingling—both necessary for quality golden years. Leisure Care takes this into consideration and strives to be both proactive and innovative when it comes to meals.

Here are just a few ways LeisureCare delivers on their promise of a rich dining experience focused on delicious, well-balanced food:

• A true restaurant experience. Residents are seated, provided with menus and place their orders with a server. Leisure Care restaurants are set up like 5-star fine dining establishments with linen table clothes, linen napkins, servers in button-up dress shirts. Fresh flowers are often set for resident enjoyment.
• A variety of menu options. Each community has a planned menu, which includes daily specials along with the “stand by favorites” that are always available. Everything is cooked fresh and from scratch by top-notch chefs.
• Heart-healthy choices. Every menu includes a minimum of five “heart-healthy” items, which are designated with a little heart.
• Gluten-free options. As needed, communities offer gluten-free specials to accommodate physician- prescribed diets.
• Sugar-free desserts. With or without sugar, the dessert collection provides something for everyone.

Leisure Care offers exhibition-style cooking for residents, where the residents can watch and interact while the chefs are creating meals. They also cater meals for special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, sport events, as well as holiday celebrations. Any time residents want a special dining experience, all they have to do is contact their chef to make it happen. Most communities have a private dining room, but if the resident wants to open up the community dining room, this is also possible.

Resident feedback is also important. The Leisure Care chefs do a great job of socializing with residents during the dinner hour, and many communities have actually set up a “Resident Food Council”— a forum for residents to give ongoing feedback. Residents can provide input on menus, ingredients, recipes and special events.

Combining Nutrition and Fitness for Optimized Senior Health

Leisure Care makes it a point to proactively adapt their health and wellness programs. They believe that the things they do today withstand what the residents need tomorrow, and they feel fortunate that they have Michael Sturm to create a balance of wellness programs to go along with healthy eating options. For example, on-staff personal trainers help residents pair a fitness program with their meal program. And, according to Childers, more and more residents are taking advantage of the gym. When the trainer is enthusiastic, it’s easy to get residents excited about working out.

It’s all about balancing quality of life and interesting activities with healthy options. Satisfying both senior and family—finding the balance—is what is important. Childers comments that one of the residents told him, “I feel like I’m still 18. I want to do the things I did when I was young.”

And why shouldn’t Leisure Care residents feel rejuvenated? They’re retired, socializing and eating healthy, chef-prepared meals. In fact, many residents ask, “Am I retired or am I on vacation?” when they enjoy their meals at Leisure Care’s resort-style communities.

What do you think is important in senior living dining? Nutrition, socialization or are your loved ones dietary needs being met? Maybe just overall enjoyment of the meal is your top priority for your loved one. We’d love to get your comments below.

And here is a tasty senior-catered recipe, courtesy of Leisure Care…

Toasted Quinoa and Cherry Salad

Ingredients:

• 1 cup quinoa, uncooked 
• 1 teaspoon olive oil
• 2 cups water
• 1/3 cup sliced almonds, toasted
• 1 cup green onions, thinly sliced
• 1/2 cup dried cherries, chopped (substitute 1 cup fresh cherries when available)
• 1/2 cup italian parsley, chopped
• 1/4 cup orange juice
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 tablespoons buttermilk
• 2 teaspoons honey

*Optional: Salt and pepper to taste          

Cooking Method:

Heat 1 teaspoon olive oil in an non-stick skillet over medium heat.  Toast the quinoa until fragrant, about 5 minutes.  Add water; cover, reduce heat to low and let steam for 15 minutes.  Place the toasted, steamed quinoa in a large bowl to cool.  When cool, add the almonds, green onions, dried cherries, and chopped parsley; mix well.  Whisk the orange juice, 1 tablespoon olive oil, buttermilk, and honey together.  Pour over the quinoa mixture and combine well.  Taste and season with salt and pepper as needed.

Serves: 6

Enjoy!

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Photo credit: criswatk, EverydayStockPhoto.com

As baby boomers age—and watch their parents contend with the complexities of senior housing—the concept of aging in place becomes ever more appealing. In fact, according to an AARP survey, as many as 90 percent of older adults would like to remain in their own homes throughout their golden years. The concept of universal design arose to address preferences like these. Beyond that, it aims to promote multigenerational housing that’s as friendly to the needs of the grandkids as it is to the grandparents.

What Is Universal Design?

Even in the context of senior living, universal design is far more than just ADA compliance or accessibility. The National Association of Home Builders defines universal design as “the design of products and environments to be usable by all people, to the greatest extent possible, without the need for adaptation or specialized design.”

Rather than a sterile hospital-like environment filled with grab bars and wheelchair ramps, or a “Peter Pan house” that assumes its residents will never grow old, a universally designed home is convenient for an age-diverse population without overtly suggesting old age—or any other age, for that matter. Of course, it does include features that are designed to provide independence even to the very elderly: no-step entry, wide doorways and hallways, and good lighting with easy-to-use rocker switches, to name just a few.

There are a number of goals for this type of design, says the Center for Inclusive Design and Environmental Access (IDeA Center), such as body fit that covers a wide range of sizes; design that helps with promoting wellness and preventing injury; and personalization, so that residents have an element of choice and individuality in their environment.

Architects Call Universal Design “Enabling Rather than Disabling”

With these goals in mind, architects and builders can create housing that avoids feeling institutional or like an “old folks’ home.” Instead, the result is “stuff that works well and looks good,” as Richard Duncan, executive director of the RL Mace Universal Design Institute, refers to it. It will have perks like non-skid bathroom tile and control-panel lighting switches, as well as stylish design for appliances and interiors.

“The nice thing about all these kinds of features is that they are unobtrusive,” says Jon Pynoos, USC professor and director of the National Resource Center on Supportive Housing and Home Modification, in an article on MSN Real Estate. “You wouldn’t notice them.”

Jenny Sullivan, who writes for Builder magazine, refers to this type of design as “enabling rather than disabling.” That is, “the new universal design is pretty, easy to use, and has high-tech functionality that is nearly invisible”—that’s the opinion of Brookfield, Connecticut-based kitchen designer Mary Jo Peterson. “Right now this is a concept that is age driven, but truly the target should be everybody.”

Do you think universal design will catch on and improve community living, or is it a flash in the pan? Feel free to join the discussion about senior living and universal design in the comments.

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Caregivers can use respite services to help themselves avoid becoming exhausted and overwhelmed by their most difficult task.

If you speak with any family caregiver you will quickly learn how hard it can be to care for a loved one full-time. Whether you’re caring for a spirited but wheelchair–bound 90 year-old parent or a spouse with mid-stage Alzheimer’s disease, the role is consistently difficult.

According to the Center for Disease Control caregivers often pay a high toll for their labor of love:

• 35% of caregivers have difficulty finding time for themselves.
• 29% experience emotional and physical stress from their role.
• 54% said their health has gotten worse due to caregiving, and has affected their ability to give care.
• 29% have difficulty balancing work and family responsibilities.

Is it any wonder that sometimes they just need a break?

How Respite Care Helps Families

Many caregivers aren’t aware that assisted living communities offer short-term overnight stays for seniors who need assistance with daily living. This service, called respite care, allows family caregivers to travel, run errands or just have some much needed alone-time without worrying about their older loved ones’ well-being.

Caregivers often use the time that respite care gives them to take a “caregiver vacation” that helps them avoid becoming burned out. Whether it’s a resort getaway or a low frills “stay-cation”, these breaks can be immensely refreshing. The National Respite Network recommends that caregivers consider respite before they become overly stressed or tired, “To be most effective, you should use respite services much earlier than you think you will need them. Respite will be most helpful if you use it before you become exhausted, isolated or overwhelmed by your responsibilities.”

For example, Gail Bishop who used respite services for her mother at Benton House, a community in the Atlanta area said, “Respite benefits me a great deal. I wouldn’t be able to go out of town without it. I don’t have any family who live near me so I need someone to care for Mom.”

In addition to providing worn out loved ones a “caregiver vacation,” respite can serve a number of other purposes. It’s often a godsend for families when:

• The primary caregiver falls ill
• Urgent business or family travel is required
• There is extreme weather

For instance, in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, many caregivers used respite care to ensure their loved ones were well cared for and in a stable environment. Another reason to research respite care options in advance is so that it is easily accessibly in unexpected scenarios like this.

Additionally, families and seniors can use respite services as an opportunity try communities they are considering without making a long-term commitment. Respite stays can help families identify communities that might be a good fit for their loved one if assisted living become necessary down the road.

Study Confirms That Respite is Underutilized

According to a study by the National Alliance of Caregiving and AARP, only 12% of family caregivers ever take advantage of respite care services. This is an unfortunate statistic considering the strain of caregiving. One factor may be that some family caregivers are reluctant to admit that they could use a break. California State University San Bernardino published a helpful questionnaire for family caregivers to help them assess their needs for respite care.

How to Arrange Respite Care

Arranging respite care for a loved one does take some preparation. Melissa Mather, Marketing Director for an Aegis Living community in Issaquah, Washington told us, “All we need is three forms filled out from the senior’s primary care physician: a diagnosis document, a med list and a POLST form [a document similar to an advanced directive used in 12 states]. There are other important documents that can be filled out in less than an hour by a family member or the power of attorney , including emergency contact information, the senior’s interests, food preferences, and so on.” Admission procedures will vary somewhat from state to state and even community by community, but all communities strive to make the process as smooth as possible.

We also spoke with Julia Banks, Regional Director of Community Relations for Principal Senior Living. She said that their communities strive to make the process easy for families. “We provide a package to the family with a checklist, and will assist to get any needed medical information… This information is generally easy to obtain and we can get someone in the community for an overnight stay very quickly.”

It’s ideal to contact the community at least one week before the respite stay, but in emergency circumstances respite can be setup on the same day assuming the community has availability. Julia Banks said, “We often do emergency move-ins from local hospitals and rehabs all in the same day.”

To start planning your caregiver vacation, contact A Place for Mom. You’ll be connected with a Senior Living Advisor who will speak with you about your loved one’s needs and the days that you are looking to use respite services. Your Advisor will check with respite providers in the area and give you a list of communities or homecare agencies that meet your loved one’s care needs, your family’s budget, and the days that you require care.

Have respite services helped your family? Share your experience. We welcome your comments below.

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10 Facts Every Caregiver Needs to Know

7 Essential Questions to Ask Your Senior Living Advisor

When it comes to researching the most affordable locations for retirement, one of the first things most people look at is the cost of assisted living or other senior housing costs. But there’s another critical financial consideration that could have a major impact on senior living decisions: the cost of medical care and hospital charges. Just like the cost of assisted living varies greatly from state to state, the amount hospitals charge for medical procedures can fluctuate, sometimes by hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Take one example, joint replacement surgery, which is the most common hospital procedure for Medicare patients: according to the Washington Post, the lowest cost was $5,304, in Ada, Oklahoma—but in Monterey Park, California, hospitals billed a whopping $223,373. What does this information mean for consumers trying to price out senior care for their aging parents?

New Data Reveals the Real Cost of Medical Care Across States

Last week, the federal government released data detailing the prices for 100 common inpatient procedures at more than 3,000 U.S. hospitals, and the variation in cost between hospitals—sometimes within the very same city—showed incredibly wild swings in price. For consumers who have most of their costs covered by insurance, this might not be an issue. But for those who are uninsured, or whose insurance companies require that they pay a portion of the costs for hospital procedures, this might mean vast differences in what a person is actually charged.

Not only that, it opens up the potential for major confusion by consumers. In an article on Marketplace.org, University of Pittsburgh professor of medicine Ateev Mehrotra says the problem of disparate hospital charges is systemic and ongoing: the relationship of the charges to what customers are actually billed by the hospital is almost unbelievably convoluted.

“The charges make it extremely difficult to shop for care because the numbers being provided to the patient don’t make any sense,” says Mehrotra. This latest release of data means increased transparency in the field of health care costs; many health care professionals and consumer advocates hope this will lead to positive change, and perhaps to more standardization of medical costs. And for our readers who are in the process of researching the ideal senior housing situation for their parents, this information can provide a starting point for more in-depth questions about the quality of care received at different facilities—in other words, what you get in return versus the amount the hospital charges.

States with the Most Affordable Assisted Living AND Healthcare

According to A Place For Mom’s 2012 Cost of Senior Care Survey, the eight most affordable states for assisted living—based on the average cost of a one-bedroom apartment—were, in order of least to most expensive, Montana, South Dakota, Idaho, Oklahoma, Mississippi, North Dakota, Indiana, and Tennessee. The plains and southern states come up big in terms of housing affordability, but how do they measure up with respect to hospital charges? Below is a chart showing the average cost of an assisted living apartment for the top eight most affordable states, as well as the cost for a common senior surgical procedure: major lower joint replacement, which has a national average cost of $50,130. Here, the more northern states come up big—or small, that is, in terms of cost.

Montana, the Dakotas, and Idaho—out of our top states for assisted living, these four also offer high value in terms of what hospitals charge on average for joint replacement surgery. To find out more about what providers charge for other common hospitalization costs, check the interactive graphic at Washington Post. Costs vary widely for different types of procedures, so if you’re comparing prices, you’ll want to look at those procedures that your senior parent is likely to need.

Do you think the newly released data is likely to change your opinion about where your senior loved ones should live? Let us know in the comments.

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What do you think the Best Gift for Mother’s Day is? From flowers, chocolates, homemade gifts and more, finding that truly special gift for mom can be challenging. After all, moms fulfill many roles as the CEO of the household; from teacher, chef, nurse and friend—moms truly have the most difficult job—and it’s important to let them know how special they are with the right gift.

A Place for Mom’s poll showed that a meal out with the family is the best gift for mom, followed by a weekend away, and a framed family photograph. But when we specifically asked the Facebook audience, the overwhelming response was “to just spend another day with her” and to, simply, “spend time with her.”  Obviously those who recently lost their moms or those with aging moms just treasure the time spent with her, or the time they have left. Here are a few of those poignant responses:

• “If Heaven wasn’t so far away… I’d pack up myself and go for the day.”
• “I would give anything to feel my mom’s hugs one more time…”
• “Lots of love and respect are the necessary ingredient in this mother’s thoughts.”
• “Mother’s Day should be every day. I miss my Mom and a day will come when my children will miss me too. I do not want gifts. All I want love and peace at this winter of my life.”
• “Time with my family… The gift of time!!!”
• ” Peace and love from my family…of course, pulling some weeds for me wouldn’t hurt either.”

And here are the rest of the poll results:

Question: What is the best Mother’s Day Gift?

1. A meal out with the family 33%
2. A weekend away! Mom needs a break! 21%
3. A framed family photograph 10%
4. Spa day 9%
5. A handmade gift 7%
6. A card 6%
7. Flowers 6%
8. Smartphone or tablet 3%
9. Breakfast in bed 2%
10. Jewelry 2%
11. Chocolates 1%

For all the progress we’ve made in the diagnosis and understanding of Alzheimer’s disease, we’ve still got a long way to go. One of the hurdles, according to Kate Williams, LMSW, is in the area of raising Alzheimer’s awareness. Williams is a Henry Ford Health System Counselor/Care Manager for the Alzheimer’s Association – Greater Michigan Chapter.

The Greater Michigan Chapter, which was founded in 1981, covers 60 counties and serves over 140,000 individuals with dementia, as well as supporting their families and caregivers. In her clinic, Williams works with patients and families going through the diagnosis process, and she has firsthand experience with the challenges we still face in battling the disease. We’ve interviewed her about what it’s like to help lead the charge against Alzheimer’s disease.

A Conversation about Alzheimer’s Awareness

Q. What are the biggest hurdles to generating awareness about Alzheimer’s?

A. I think people don’t want to think about it. It’s a very scary disease, and because there’s no cure, and there’s limited things we can do in terms of slowing progression, people would prefer not to think about it, and to think it happens to someone else and not to them.

Q. How has public awareness changed over the years?

A. I think it is slowly changing, but I think there’s a lot of misinformation out there. This is such an exciting time in brain health, when things are changing rapidly, and so what we thought of as Alzheimer’s 20 years ago is very different from what we know now. That’s a barrier for people in learning more. We are hopeful for the future—what people think of as Alzheimer’s is really the middle and late stages, and now it’s being detected so much earlier. Getting the message out there has been difficult, though.

Q. What are some of the biggest myths that people have about Alzheimer’s?

A. That dementia and Alzheimer’s are the same thing. Dementia is an umbrella term like cancer, and Alzheimer’s is just one type of dementia. Some types are treatable, so it’s important that people get it checked out, because it may be something that can be reversed.

There are myths about what causes Alzheimer’s and what might cure it, like the mercury fillings in your teeth, or if you do 3 crosswords a day it might prevent Alzheimer’s. That it’s heavily genetically based. That it only happens to old people; about 200,000 people in the U.S. have it before the age of 65.

Q. Who uses your organization?

A. Patients and families, local caregivers, people that live very far away and don’t have a lot of experience or hands-on knowledge but want to know more. Community groups who have questions or concerns and want to educate their constituency. Parents, kids, spouses—just about everyone.

Q. Are there any interesting programs for Alzheimer’s patients in your region?

A. We just started a group with the Detroit Institute of Art called Minds on Art—guided tours of the DIA galleries using a special art appreciation program, and then an hour in the DIA studios making art. It’s four people with memory loss and their care partners. It’s a nice way to socialize and also to meet people going through a similar issue. There’s also been research showing positive outcomes for brain health, more independence in ADLs, etc.

We have a really innovative program with one of the local hospitals where we put social workers into the primary care and neurology offices, so it’s a one-stop situation. The social worker is there to provide resources, education, and counseling. We’re one of very few places in the country that do that.

We also have a summer camp for kids who are dealing with a parent or grandparent who has Alzheimer’s. It’s just a day camp where they can get support from other kids that are going through it, and we get them involved in advocacy and awareness so that they feel like they are doing something to help.

Q. What’s the best book you’ve read about aging? Was there a particular book that influenced you?

A. The book I really like is called Understanding Difficult Behaviors by Robinson, Spencer, and White. I really like it because it’s like a car manual. You figure out what’s the problem that someone’s having, then you flip to that section—it’s really user-friendly.

The 36-Hour Day, just for being so comprehensive. So many people I speak to, after they’ve read it, they say, I had no idea other people felt this way. It captures the experience without making it scary, and makes it relatable.

Q. What are some of the greatest challenges and rewards of working on behalf of the Alzheimer’s Association?

A. I think it’s frustrating for all of us that Alzheimer’s is very poorly funded compared to other disorders. Many other disorders have funding from the government in the billions, and we have 450 million. There’s still that stigma even from other professionals—even from doctors—that there’s nothing you can do, that people shouldn’t know about this, that they shouldn’t be told their own diagnosis because it’s too depressing.

I think the rewards are from the patients and families. It’s very rewarding to help people keep their loved ones at home. It’s very rewarding to help people understand what’s happening and to destigmatize it. People with memory loss are still people, and to help others put the disease to the side, and still deal with the person as an individual—there’s still laughter to be had in life, and to get to experience that and help others to experience that is extremely rewarding.

Q. Is there anything else you’d like to share with our readers?

A. Just remember that there’s someone in every state, in every part of the nation, who can help you. The Alzheimer’s Association has a toll-free number, 1-800-272-3900, or visit www.alz.org.

We welcome your comments below.

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Congratulations to the Winners of the 2013 ALFA Hero Awards

This week senior executives from around the world are gathering at the ALFA 2013 Conference & Expo in Charlotte, NC.  The conference is a four day event featuring educational workshops and networking events for industry professionals.  This year’s theme is: Inspire Passion. Lead Change. Create the Future.

Every year during the conference a special lunch is held honoring the winners of the ALFA Hero Awards who are distinguished representatives of the hundreds of thousands of people serving in senior living communities. This year, former First Lady Laura Bush presented the awards and spoke about the important role that caregivers provide to seniors in America.

Join us in congratulating these distinguished representatives by adding your comments below.

Alexis Parks

Alexis Parks is a Care Associate from Brookdale Senior Living at Holley Court Terrace in Oak Park Illinois. Send your well wishes and congratulations to Alexis here.

Deborah Martin

Deborah Martin is the Business Office Director at The Seasons in Lewisburg West Virginia. Send your well wishes and congratulations to Deborah here.

Fern Marshall

Fern Marshall is a volunteer at Emeritus in Colorado Springs, an Emeritus Senior Living community in Colorado. Send your well wishes and congratulations to Fern here.

Sarah Snavely

Sarah Snavely is the Activities Assistant from IntegraCare at The Woods at Cedar Run in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania. Send your well wishes and congratulations to Sarah here.

Leo Aguilar

Leo Aguilar is the Director of Culinary Services from Silverado Senior Living San Juan Capistrano in California. Send your well wishes and congratulations to Leo here.

Jane Bongiovanni

Jane Bongiovanni is the Program Director from Benchmark Senior Living at Plymouth Crossings in Plymouth Massachusetts. Send your well wishes and congratulations to Jane here.

Comments, well wishes and stories will be compiled into a book by A Place for Mom and presented to the winners as a keepsake to remember the lives their hearts have touched.

While it will come as a surprise to no one, our Mother’s Day survey confirmed the saying that “mothers write on the hearts of their children what the world’s rough hand cannot erase.” Respondents overwhelmingly (90%) described their mothers as inspirational to themselves and others.

Advice on Happiness, Relationships and Living

Respondents were asked to describe their mother in one word and “loving” was at the top of the list. Another question asked readers what area of their lives their mother most positively influenced, and respondent’s most common response was “my relationships with others.” Accordingly,  advice about love, relationships and family was at the forefront when the survey asked readers to share the most important lesson they’ve learned from their mothers:

• “If the choice is laugh or cry, then laugh.”
• “Read. Learn. Be kind.”
• “Do what you can with what you have and hope for the best.”
• “Live life to the fullest, even in the hard times.”
• “Don’t ever get too mad.”
• “Always appear as a duck. A duck looks graceful as it crosses the pond, but underneath it’s paddling, paddling, paddling and working hard to get to where it’s going. Appear as the duck.”
• “Love will always overcome any obstacle.”
• “I am as important as anybody but not more important than anyone.”
• “It is important to be kind to your family, because you are stuck with them forever.”
• “Enjoy every single day with each other as much as possible.”
• “Surround yourself with people that lift you up and make you laugh!”
•  “Take one day at a time and do as much possible in those days.”
• “Recognize the beauty in small things.”
• “Offer support however you can for your children, never allowing them to believe for a moment that they can’t accomplish their goals.”
• “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
•  “Seek first to understand, not to be understood.”
• “There will always be somebody with more than you, but there will always be somebody with less than you. Be thankful for what you have.”
• “Money is not the object of living.”
• “Be passionate and be yourself while caring for others.”
• “Work hard and always have something for yourself.”
• “Be non-judgmental and accepting of all people.”
• “It’s not what you say but how you say it.”
• “Never cut someone out of your life. Forgive and forget.”

Advice on Strength and Coping

Behind “loving”, “strong” was the second most popular terms readers used to describe their mothers. Readers also head a wealth of advice to share in these areas.

• “Don’t give up. Remember your roots. Stay strong, and if all else fails, have a good cry (but privately)!”
• “You cannot control what life gives you, but you can control how you handle it.”
• “Failure is not an option. Do whatever it takes to fulfill your obligations.”
• “Don’t spend your valuable time and energy working at a job you dislike.”
• “Always have a good pair of red heels and red purse.”
•  “No matter what obstacle you are facing, no matter how difficult, daunting or terrifying, if you attack it with everything you are made of you will always prevail.”
• “Life is not fair – get over it.”
• “Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it’s easier than the alternative.”
• “If you’ve got it flaunt it!”
• “Everything happens for a reason”
• “Be tough and seek The Lord.”
• “Things in life don’t always go the way we want. Adapt and overcome.”
• “Never depend too much on someone else.”
• “Remember to breathe in the challenging times.”

With Mother’s Day approaching, we’re highlighting the profound and lasting influence that mothers have on their children. We collected some great quotes from celebrities who shared their mother’s best advice and how their mothers helped make them who they are today.

• “My mom was a role model to me; she still is. She’s still ahead of me…. She was always cheerful. She never laid down rules. She would win by being smarter and making sense and telling us to make the right choices, but more so it was that she was an example. The emphasis she put on working and taking care of your family is something I followed, but also the fact that she enabled me to take care of myself.” - Louis C.K., 25 April  2013, Rolling Stone

• “To listen to people and treat them well. That’s something she does with every person she meets. My mum’s had cancer three times, and she’s always remained charmingly free of cynicism, very open to life, and wonderfully gentle while at the same time strong. Strength does not have to be belligerent and loud.”- Russell Brand, 29 November 2012, (source)

• “The best advice my mom has ever given me is to never give up. She believes when one door shuts, another door opens. Always, always move forward. I admire her tenacity and her generosity and her ability to do 17 things at once.”- Melissa Rivers, 11 May 2012 (source)

Justin Timberlake with his mother Lynn Bomar Harless

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  Ryan Gosling and his mom Donna Gosling

  “I grew up in a family of strong women and I owe any capacity I have to understand women to my mother and big sister. They taught me to respect women in a way where I’ve always felt a strong emotional connection to women, which has also helped me in the way I approach my work as an actor.” - Ryan Gosling, 26 April 2012 (source)

• “We’re best friends — she’s a very special woman, she’s been so supportive. She’s partly the reason why I have so much respect for women. I’m never going to find someone as good as my mother, am I?”- Justin Timberlake, 14 October 2010 (source)

• “I get my sense of humor from my mom. There are so many quiet times you spend as a mother that aren’t glorified but are a foundation for your kids. No matter what, there was always a thick safety net under this trapeze.” - Tina Fey, 6 January 2010 (source)

• “People ask me all the time, ‘How did you survive that?’ or ‘How do you do all this?’ It’s really because of my mother and the encouragement she gave me. My mom didn’t have very good mothering herself, so to learn how to mother with just on-the-job training was so inspirational to me.” - Hillary Clinton, 6 January 2010 (source)

• “People can create their own lives; I saw how my mother created hers and so made it possible for us to survive. My mother was the one who rose to the occasion.” - Tom Cruise, 9 April 2006, Parade Magazine

• “My mother taught me empathy—the basic concept of standing in somebody else’s shoes and looking through their eyes. If I did something messed up, she’d just say, ‘How would that make you feel if somebody did that to you?’ That ends up being, I think, at the center of my politics, and I think that should be the center of all our politics. If we see a child who’s languishing in an inner-city school, how would we feel if that was our child?”- Barack Obama, 1 January 2006 (source)

What’s your favorite quote? How has your mother influenced you? Share your comments below.

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